The Healer's Touch

I wish...

2006-03-05T15:51:00.000+08:00

I almost cried when I saw this. It's as if I made the postcard.

Picture courtesy of Post Secrets

I wish I have this inhumane ability to survive without sleeping, I don't have enough hours in a day.

I wish that I have mastered the skill of effective multitasking. That I can do many things at once and do them all well.

I wish that I can somehow be satisfied with my work and the things that I do.

I wish that I can be comforted that somehow, my inability is what that actually make me human.

I wish that I can learn to appreciate my self again.

I wish that I am not so vulnerable at times.

I wish that I can be a better friend, a better student, a better child.

I wish that I have eight hands and enough brain power to use all of them.

I wish I could get a grip of my self and not take rejection personally.

or rather.

I really wish that I know how to unclog my schedule and yet not dissapoint people.

I really wish that I know how to discern what God wants me to do and what people wants me todo.

I really wish that I will stop the jadedness inside me from spreading.

I so wish that I can always fix my eyes on Jesus instead of looking in all directions and trying to make a boat go to a hundred different shores in the vast sea.

I so so wish that somehow, I can really be what I was before, absolutely stubbornly loving Him.

Does a child growing up automatically means that he is also growing further from his father?

His Lost One

2006-03-02T12:18:00.000+08:00

The howling wind forecasts the fast approaching storm, tugging tightly on her thin pullover; she pressed her body even more tightly against the corner of the cold brick wall, as if willing to be swallowed in the dark corner.

People rushed passed her, oblivious of the frail figure at the street corner. She shivered, not so much from the bitter wind, but more from the unfeeling gaze that the passerby threw at her direction.

Above, the cloud started to swallow whatever sunrays left. The first few drops of raindrops when unnoticed, then a sudden streak of lightning flashed, with it’s bright, electric blue veins branching out in a hundred different directions, followed closely by a sound of the sky splitting, and the heavens opening up.

The down pour caused the people to break into a run as the rain poured down mercilessly on the pavement. She observed with slight amusement as the people at the bus stop pushed and shoved each other out of the way. Beside her, the rattling of water reminded her of the times where she was still untainted, times where she was clean both in soul and spirit.

Remembering that she bought it upon herself, she knew that she could blame no one. Yet, she still wept bitterly, remembering the look of heartbreak in His eyes was more that she could bear. She ran, far, far away, before He could disown her, she disowned herself.

Tears and rain mingled as her cry was muffled by the storm. No longer concerned, she left the alley that provided her minimal shelter the past weeks, and wondered along the streets. Beaten and broken, carrying uncertain steps, she walked aimlessly down the street.

Like water collecting in the ditch this very instant, memories of how things used to be overwhelmed her. The once fervent love that she felt for Him, His touch, the way He smiled down on her, the way she used to be so excited about everything they shared, the way He had loved her.

“What happened to me?” she questioned, yet deep inside, she knew that the way she has hurt and grieved Him, too much even for her to face Him. She had forsaken Him.

Unconsciously, she came to the place where she would meet Him. Fingering the door knob gingerly, she stared at her grubby face reflected on the window, and down to her clothes that have reduced to filthy rags. She touched her heart and saw how it was broken. How could she return to Him? She was no longer whole, no longer worthy to be called His.

She hung her head and stepped down to the sidewalk, a voice called out to her, and an elderly man came rushing out.

“He’s looking for you,” the man managed in between breaths “He has been doing so everyday.”
Wiping drops of rain water from his face, “He has not returned since the night you left, He was worried about you, please, go and…”

But before the man finished his sentence, she was already sprinting down the street. Confusion filled her, how could it be, that he would go all out to search for her; surely he can no longer love her after all that she has done.

She ran and ran, until her lungs and her sides were burning. She ran until it seems like an eternity, until she reached the very same alley that she was taking shelter in. It then dawned her how much she missed Him, guiding her, loving her, making her grow.

A familiar silhouette stepped out of the corner. It was Him. The shock of seeing Him was so intense that she turned and ran again, and yet this time, He did not let her go, but came running after her.

Catching her into His arms He whispered His love into her rejected broken heart. He held her still as she cried and shook in His strong arms. He placed His hand at her wounds and healed her yet again. He took away her pain, as she watched His pierced hands work. She finally understood that He will never stop loving her and it does not depend on her and what she did.

The hand that calmed the stormed and split the red sea was touching her, she remembered how it was pierced and nailed for her. The hand that created the heavens and the earth humbled Himself to give up everything for her. The hand that raised the death and healed the sick was giving her reassurance and love.

She stared at Him, mystified and in awe, Her savior loved her enough to come to her lift her up again and again. That He loved her enough to give His life and all that He had to come for her.

Her hand in His, He led her home. The sun peeked between the clouds as the rain dwindled, casting shadows of a man with thorns as a crown and compassion in his eyes holding His precious.

A rainbow materialized above them, a symbol of His promise to her, the path ahead is still long and indefinite but having Him is the only constant thing that she’ll ever need.

Phillipians 2: 6-11
Who, being in very nature God,
did not consider equality with God something to be grasped,
but made himself nothing,
taking the very nature of a servant,
being made in human likeness.
And being found in appearance as a man,
he humbled himself
and became obedient to death—
even death on a cross!
Therefore God exalted him to the highest place
and gave him the name that is above every name,
that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,
in heaven and on earth and under the earth,
and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord,
to the glory of God the Father.

For real?

2006-02-23T20:27:00.000+08:00

Sometimes living a multipurposed, multitasked life, makes me so flustered and cluttered that I lost touched on what that matters the most.

The biggest challenge for me in university thus far is still finding peace.

Many times the battle rages within me even if I had chosen to do what was right.

The boiling resentment was still inside, the voice that yelled "you know you could have it all if only you would just..."

Things that at times I really wonder whether I am doing it out of obedience or what?

How much longer can I stand when time and time again I feel truly alone, abandoned, unwanted.

And as I struggle I want to proclaim that I rejoice in the trails of these. I know God has His plans and I choose to trust, bit by bit, everyday a step.

And I don't want to miss anypart of God's plan for me.

May a new soul be birth out of all these pain, a soul that glorifies His name, a soul that loves Him.

Him who
I stubbornly cling on to,
created me from dust
protected me from the clutches of evil
delivers me from the snares of the enemy
died for me on Calvary
forgives me with His blood
heals me by His stripes
dwells in me with His Spirit
communes with me with patience
refines me with fire
restores me with His nail pierced hands
guides me in His path.
loves me, tenderly, personally, powerfully, mightily, passionately.

Agape.

For real?
Absolute-definately.

Psalm 30
I will exalt you, O Lord,
for you lifted me out of the depths
and did not let my enemies gloat over me.

O Lord my God, I called to you for help and you healed me.
O Lord, you brought me up from the grave;
you spared me from going down into the pit.

Sing to the Lord, you saints of his;
praise his holy name.
For his anger last only a moment,
but his favour last a lifetime;
weeping may remain for a night,
but rejoicing comes in the morning.

When I felt secure, I said,
"I will never be shaken."
O Lord, when you favoured me,
you made my moutain stand firm;
but when you hid your face,
I was dismayed.

To you, O Lord, I called;
to the Lord I cried for mercy:
"What gain is there in my destruction,
in my going down into the pit?
Will the dust praise you?
Will it proclaim your faithfulness?
Hear O Lord, and be, merciful to me;
O Lord, be my help.

You turned my wailing into dancing;
you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy.
that my heart will sing to you and not be silent.

O Lord my God, I will give you thanks forever.

Break

2006-02-05T15:07:00.000+08:00

Currently reading:

The Zahir - Paulo Coelho

Classes starts tomorrow.

I am taking a break from blogging and many other online activities.

No reason in particular, just felt that I want to stop.

Don't feel like writing in public's eye for the time being.

I'm sorry.

Don't presume the reason of my absence, anything just ask me, I still check my email, or sms me.

Till the season changes, take care.

Nyaaaaaa

2006-01-31T22:49:00.000+08:00

I have a swollen throat.

The exact way to describe it is that there is this swelling in my throat causing my voice to come out all squeeky and I drool uncontrollably. Everything I swallow, water, food even air causes the swollen and painful skin to rub against each other.

In short... PAAAAIIIINNNNN :(

Top it off with a couhing fit now and then, result from choking on own saliva. :(

with a heavy head due to fever...

NYaaaaaaaaaa.... being sick no fun.

____________

Spend CNY back in Bahau, N9 with the usual cocktail of you-know-what.

And people wonder why I don't enjoy festive seasons *shrugs*

__________________

Been thinking alot the past few days, I guess when u can't speak, u think eh XD.

Our Bible study teacher, Mr Lian told us a few weeks back that God places and uses things in out lives as scaffoldings to build our character, Yen Nie said that God will continously place the same obstacles in our lives so that we will learn the lessons that He intend us to.

I really wanna step out of where I am now.

_______________________

Me wanna sleep away the pain di, hope tmr It'll be better. Ta :)

titleless chatter

2006-01-24T16:08:00.000+08:00

Amy asked me today at CG "What happened to my blog", so I shall dedicate this post to her. XD

FYI, I wanted to blog at crazy hours like 3 in the morning when there is no internet connection, antivirus that expired months ago and becuz I could not completely uninstall the old antivirus, I cannot fully activate the new one, and hence, wala, no internet connection unless in library or lab or at home.

Talking to Syen and Jo now abt the power of confession, and God's providance, know that God is in control anmd we have to trust Him.

Went for the Education Ministry's scholarship interview today, it was scary (my malay's so rusty now -__-) waited for 4 hours until my turn. Interview was normal, but when the interviewer was briefing us about the bond and the frequent case of breach of contract, where graduates regretted after being posted and stuff, I had slight doubts again, but I choose to believe that God will care for me, and He will place me. and that goes for everyone of God's child at any crossroad of your life :) *winks*

I have a new do now, very much shorter hair with blond-ish brown highlights, i love the new look XD.

Bible study tonight, the teacher rocks. :D will blog when time permits. *hugs* take care

dripping

2006-01-15T00:47:00.000+08:00

wet is the condition of my hair now, feeling the need to update here after such a long lapse, to say that I am too busy to spare a post here would be illogical.

many things occured the past few weeks, I really want to trust God for His strength, I know that His words are the only ones that I can trust and I really wanna cling on to Him.

Bad dreams that reoccured again and again, sudden increase in responsibility in church and in CF, increase in uni work load and discouragement that flies my way, some by others, the rest self inflicted, caused me to feel so bogged down, tired and discouraged.

I grit my teeth and ask God to teach me to praise and love Him above all these. Was very disturbed when a speaker was saying (rebuking??) about Christians not doing enough, not shining enough, not living enough for Christ, but I was thinking that if ever a single human-being can achieve God's standard, then there will be no need for God to extend His grace by sending Jesus to the cross. I donno, where do we draw the line between God's grace and His holiness? or is there really a need to?

Will I ever be worthy to be called His vessel if not for His grace and patience?

Each day, I can only trust God to supply the air that I breath, and everything else that I need. My strength has become zero, and I need Him all the more.

Praise God that He is still here with us, always, thats His loud promise of love.
Let us never forget that our God is faithful.

A dedication

2006-01-02T18:42:00.000+08:00

To think that You have created me
Woven me in my mother’s womb
Specially, uniquely, fearfully and wonderfully made.
You called me Yours.

I did not understand the purpose You have for me
Nor did I know then that I was created for a time as this
Little did I know Your silent profession
of such great love was upon my life.

You chose me, and promised so much.
From experiencing Your presence daily
To grace to forgive my sins.
Most of all, You gave Your life to show You care.

You endured humiliation
Taking the stripes, so that I can be healed
Piercing Your hands,
so that I am protected by the blood You shed.

Taking the weight of the cross
And the guilt of the world
You died, so that I can have life and liberty
You breathed Your last prayer of forgiveness, on Calvary.

Rising from the grave,
You claimed my life from the depths of hell
You endured such suffering
To declare just one thing, The Father’s love.

I will never find the place
where Your love for me starts or end.
Love that is unconditional and everlasting.
Love that is lavished on me.

I am in awe of such great acts that You have done
Every single silent gesture speaks so loudly
Of Your love and care to Your people.
Loving us personally, powerfully and passionately.

You gave so much so that
You could love me.
Such a staggering gesture,
Till now I am yet to comprehend.

You willingly take what I have to offer
No matter how little
and multiply it for Your glory
Using it to proclaim Your faithfulness

Taking Your rod and staff
You guide my path and held my hand
You carried me and You wiped my tears dry.
You understood and You cared.

There is nothing that I can give You
Except my life, which is already Yours from the very beginning
Let everything I do be incense, an act of worship.
Which is pleasing You.

With Your strength and grace,
Let my life be a speaking,
living testimony of Your greatness.
Until I see You face to face one day.

Lord Jesus,
King of Heaven and Earth
My Savior
My greatest lover.

My life, my passion, my all.

*Jottings*
completed 7.13am 28/12/05

Thank You Lord for the new found hope in You this coming year.
Thank You Lord that I know that with Your strength I can overcome my weaknesses, and it is in that, Your power perfected

Thank You for Your love and everything else that comes with it.

You love me, and thats all that matters.

Blessed New Year to everyone :)

Memories

2005-12-26T09:24:00.000+08:00

*warning, long post ahead*

Today is the last day of my holidays, The past 5 weeks was filled with joy, laughter, and friendship, things that I have grown to appreciate more, the presence of each and every single friend in my life.

Camp Marathon Phase one
Operation National Conference - En.Zyme

Location : Peace Heaven, Genting

I went to the 6 days camp with expectations, I seek a confirmation from God to tell me that I am where I should be, that I did not misunderstood His calling. Tho the first semester of Uni draws to an end, I was getting more and more confused on my direction and bearings. Choosing God's way is not just a decision of the moment, but a daily choice to not turn back and run in the opposite direction.

With too many problems that refused to settle itself I came to God's throne seeking an easy way out, I cried and mourned and complained and begged for Him to take away that unknown burden on my shoulders, can't things be as easy and clear as it was back then?

But God insisted and persisted, with patience and love He set my heart straight to learn to say that I want what He wants for me. Even if it means death to my self. In many ways I wrestled with God throughout the camp, but God dealt with me like never before.

Reminding me of His faithfulness in my life,
"If I have carried you thus far, I will carry you till the end, run the race, trust me to supply and catch you."
"I want no more but no less of you than your heart with me, thats what I came here for."

God also made me see Psalm 23 so clearly.
Tho I walk thro the dark ways in UM and later in the world I shall not be afraid, for His rod and staffs comforts me.

Like what Rev. Steven Kum said, "if God is with you, is there anywhere that you cannot go?"

I know that whatever that is in my cup now is what God has for me, and it was never intended by Him to carry it on my own, but like what God promises, His presence is with me.

The call have been made, a call for our generation to rise up and claim God's land and it's people. A call to be enzymes wherever we are, an impact, an ambassador of God's love, grace and power.

Would you answer your calling?

Pictures of happy people :)
The first pic is the crowd at the KTM station during busy hour barely 5 mins after the last train departed.
I noticed that there are alot of Jia Hui(s) in my pic *pun intended XD*

Food, Oon Yew, more food and kungfu?

Check out the the creative way people eat toast (not that I blame them since we had toast for 6 whole morning straight) The stuff baked beans inside is Oon Yew's trademark, check out also the look of satisfaction on him. XD
oh and the bread on cup is a way of eating warm bread without toasting XD.
There's also a guy wearing a steel chain and padlock as a necklace. :

The Fog

or rather the mist, it was really chilly in Peace Heaven. With really thick Fog? Mist? haha I never knew how to differentiate them. Managed to grap a picture with the main speaker, Dr. Thomas Chung, a real fun guy with a british accent :)

Met many many many cool friends that I don remember most of thier names, XD but the fun times shared was definately treasured.

We had a few FES workers from Japan, Korea and Hong Kong and check out the kimonos!

ah and I met Sue-anne, my hair sifu :P her hair is so long it reaches her thighs, and checkout how she braided my hair for me, cool eh :)

On the way down

Poor Kok How had to sit on the floor due to limited places and the majority of us suffered terrible motion sickness, the driver was scary.
Mystery man leaning out the window XD
and there is a totally unrelated picture of Syen and Wendy on a swing XD.

Goodies given out during NC, cool stuffs and file!
Yes, also me cam whoring away. teeheee

PKVUM. plugged-in!

and poor confused guy holding 2 similar cams after helping us snap pics. XD

********

Camp Marathon Phase 2
Operation FGA Northern KL Satellite Churches Youth Camp (You can rearrange the words randomlyXD)
- Faith works!

Location : Peace Heaven, Genting (again?!?!)

Was not hyped up at all at the idea of going and freezing myself at Peace Heaven. hehe
Miki and Mei Sien joined us (we were blessed by your presence) and was busy thoughout the camp (multipurposing once again), and hence, not many pictures taken :(

What amazes me most is the fervent passion of both the Speaker, Pastor Kenneth and Sandra Chin. It really touched my heart that they were willing to really minister to us youths, (You guys totally rock!)

From them I was really encouraged and blessed by the example of thier live testimony and how much faith they have in God to provide in thier ministry, not only that but the compelling message of God's love and faithfulness really struck me once again on how awesome and great is the God that we serve and call as Father!

God helped me see in so many ways that I matter to Him, and that He choose to have me here for a time as this because of His purpose for me, and it is my choice to choose whether to follow Him or not.

would love to tell you more about phase three and give captions, but time does not permit.

So while I end here, thank you for the memories, and love and care and everything.

more to come ;)

Bits and pieces

2005-12-19T02:29:00.000+08:00

the amount of pictures I had in my camera was amazing, 3 camps, one concert, one awesome day out and a bunch of others XD.

Day out

The day was long planned to meet Joan-Lynn when she came to KL, journey started of with Miki, which is prone to attract bugs -________-, check out the giganto fly on the bus.

and the one swimming in my coke, and Miki trying to look cute for the fly XD. teeehee

arrived at Pyramid so early that the temple guards weren't even on duty XD, waited for ppl at bintang duit aka star bucks. While waiting, Miki was attracted to lights, like bugs always do :P, and the trying too hard to be seducing Kay Jin committed a heneous crime! Let the pictures do the talking.
watch out for murder weapons and the victim! Mug shots included. XD

proceeded then to laksa shack to have yummy lunch, check out how excited Syen is with her food, and my craze of the day is taking pictures of ppl taking pictures (if u understood that) :P

Jin also recieved his early in advanced Christmas present, teehehe.
after bumming at Pyramid, we sent Jo home and then bummed our way to Mid Valley to see Jon Chu, swt, both him and Jin are actually in the same Planet Shakers shirt, even Syen is also wearing the crew shirt. -__-

anyhoo... after a yummy scrumptious meal at The Manhattan Fish market, check out how we polished all the food and how we tortured those poor lemons. Heh heh heh. and look at "Jonathan's no shadow hand" XD Cool music performance at MV at that time too, check out the deco as well, :) real nice. Oh and thats the sunrise while I was waiting for Miki at the KTM station.

This is definately one of those really happy days of my life, those people that you see in the pictures really mean a lot to me, and they still accepts me inspite of all my imperfections and short comings. Love the whole lot of you tons.

20th Birthday!!!!!

Was in National Conference (NC), the greetings and the gifts recieved was overwhelming, am so so so touched by you all, I never felt so special before. As the clock struck twelve that day, I prayed that I will grow more with God and that His presence is with me, comforting and empowering, so that I can set out to do His work.

Thank God for His reassurance and touch the past few weeks, celebrating my birthday with me. :) He really did set my heart right in many areas that I am struggling in, looking forward to a year of growth ahead. This verse really spoke to me deeply, such joy it is to know that our God is patiently moulding us into His image.

James 1:2-4

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

P/S: more pics to come abt the camps. =)

Woooohoooo~~

2005-12-17T01:40:00.000+08:00

Impromptu post here, excuse the hyperness, but I really must post this up.

Syafiq (18yr old coursemate - yes I am that old in uni) was on MSN just now and guess what, he discovered a brilliant way to check our results (which I am dying to know and the internal server continues to hv problems -________- ), I could have bring him coffee for a whole month for telling me how.

So after some snooping around (glances around in ninja mask) this are my results

Subjects Grade Points
Tamadun Islam B+ 3.3
Calculus 1 B 2.7
Foundation maths A 4.0
Thermal physics B+ 3.3
Basic electronics A- 3.7
Foundation Physics Lab work A- 3.7
Curriculum planning in science education A 4.0
______________________________________________
total CGPA 3.43

Praise God for giving me results that I do not deserve. For helping me get throught the very tough first sem of my uni journey, for beeing ever so faithfull even when I losed faith.

I know I can face the second sem, not becuz I am confident of the ability that I have, but I am confident in the God that I have.

Subjects registered for second sem

Tamadun Asia
Calculus 2
Kaedah Matematik Awalan (I have no idea how to translate this)
Waves and Vibration
Basics of Physical and health Education (in short, PJ *blinks rapidly*)
Science Education and Cognitive Science.

I also wanna say a very very big thank you, to those who stood by me, and with me throughout the semester, from sending me awesome stuffs to praying for me and with me, to giving me advice to letting me dump verbal trash, you guys are simply amazing.

I thank God so so so much for your presence in my life.

The one

2005-12-16T17:13:00.000+08:00

I am as itching to update you as much as you are itching to ask :P

but I shall refrain from blogging that without pictures, am waiting for dad to bring the camera USB cable back, so hang in there ppl.

responding to Joanne's taggie, shall post this up as her birthday is today.

what do I look for in a future spouse?
(of cuz the normal qualifications (oops, qualities XD) apply, male by birth, Serious Christian)

Willing to accept
Me just the way I am (the ugly past, present and future), I compromised before in a relationship, aint gonna do it again.
Willing to try to understand
and really talk to me when I need it instead of just making small talks or brushing me off.
Willing to experience and try out
the ups and down of life, sticking together through thick and thin and not giving up on me even when I may have given up on myself.
Willing to challenge
my faith and growth together in Christ, knowing that He is also the Lord of our relationship.
Willing to pray
together, for me and for our family.
Willing to love
God and the family that we are blessed with, no matter what.
Willing to share
his dreams, his cares, his hopes, his fears and his tears with me.
Willing to respect
not only me but every other person that crosses his path, with God's strength.
Willing to explore
God's love and promises together as a family
Willing to wait
for him and for me to be grow inwardly as a child of God, until His timing. So that God's name will be glorified in our union.

that is in no particular order, it's okay if he is not everything above, as long as he is willing. :)

The Silence

2005-12-12T07:33:00.000+08:00

Picture taken from Post Secrets

Standing at the corner
I hear your frustration
Your agony, your pain,
Your cries of sorrow.

Extending my hand to pat your shoulder
I know that I can do so little,
If not nothing
To comfort you.

Everything I say will sound cliché
Words that escaped my mouth sounded lifeless
If not heartless.
Because I could never truly understand.

Everything that I do seems so useless
Actions laced with inconsideration
If not insensitivity,
For I am only so limited.

With much regret,
I have unknowingly inflicted more pain
Whether it was what I did,
or what I did not do.

With much remorse
I have mistakenly deepened the scars,
Whether it was with what I said,
Or what I did not say.

Words fails me at this point of our lives
Try as hard as I may
I am still very limited
And I am so sorry that I could not be more.

But I know Someone
Who understands.
He is the Comforter, the Healer.
and He knows you by name.

He can and He will
Guide you through your hardest time
With His grace and strength
If only you let Him.

I know that you are never alone,
Because He promises to reside in you
And never leave you,
Don’t let anyone else tell you otherwise.

I know that as He was always faithful,
He will continue to be to you
Because that is what He is,
His promises to you will never fade.

Let Him take away
The things that He needs to
So that as your faith continues to grow
You are moulded more like Him.

He reaches out His hand to you
Waiting for your acceptance
With His unfailing love
Jesus bridges the thickest wall you raised.

The wall of silence.

*jottings*

sometimes knowing ppl have problems of their own and still not being able to understand them irritates me. I seriously do not know what to do, or how to comfort. Infact many times words that escaped my mouth seems more hurting than comforting, expecially as frustration mounts, greatly shown is my inability to love by my own strength.

This is where God usually steps in to love on my behalf, and the thing about God is that He is always willing to extend His grace and love to those who needs it greatly.

*****************

Going to catch a bus now, have to stop by at Jinjang post office to get my birthday present from unknown sender 1 and bus to KL then train to KL Sentral to get another one from dear Grandpa (Ding). Abuthen have to go back by train to KL to get Christmas pressies for ppl and then meet Syen at Pasar Seni before we meet Josh at Pudu and board the bus to Melacca. *gasps for air*

Am HUGE bound, the third leg of my camp-marathon.
**********************

Yes, I will be back!

home

2005-12-05T01:29:00.001+08:00

not for too long, going off to my Church's youth camp on Wed till saturday at peace heaven again.

the rain is pouring and it's such a nice time to sleep now.

and yes I promised myself that I will blog abt the National conference but now the rain is enticing me to go to bed and curl up with a good book XD

Sigh, I realized today yet again that as human I will always fail those around me and do what God did not want me to. And it displeases Him. I want to learn more to be a child after His heart, so that I will not be a hindrace to what He wants to do in me.

Got another 4 more books at NC which means I have 8 un-read, un touched books... heehehe

Pre NC

2005-11-25T10:02:00.000+08:00

am sitting in front of the computer trying to get my self composed.

If UM is just the teething process of my growth, God, how hard more can it be?

The feeling of something inside me dying, yes, God, teach me to let what is left of my selfish desire die, I just don't want to be frozen into a cold and judgemental person by my circumstances, I don't want to be angry, I don't want to be dissapointed, as hard as it is.

Teach me to rest in You. When I come running to You, I know Your arms are always open. The walk alone is terrifying, Lord, again and again You deny me the comforts of this world, so that I can rely on You and You alone.
So that I will trust in You.

You know there is still bitterness and anger in me, please crush all my superficial thoughts.Help me accept, Help me love inspite and despite of myself, because the Love You gave me is even much more than that.

thank You~
************************
A cock is crowing at the back of my house, and thats real weird.

anyhoo, National Conference is around the corner, am I expecting something? Of cause I am, I hope to meet new people, to see new things, and more importantly to grow more, *just keep growing, just keep growing, just keep growing* (do it in the Dory's just keep swimming slang from Finding Nemo)

okay, I am getting lamer by the sec.

Back to what I was saying, I hope that God will change my mindset on UM, and give me His peace, so that when my four years is completed I am more prepared and equipt to be His worker.

*****************

I love the holidays, so far managed to met with Jin kor, Syen, Jon and Miki, hopefully get to meet Jo later =).

Finish teaching tuition to my SPM student, he sat for his paper on Tuesday, I just hope the best for him :)

oh, and let me tell you I went completely berserk after my exams, zoomed straight to Mid Valley to catch these :)
movie marathon. heh.

Chicken Little was awesomely funny, I love Fish out of water and the singing Pig. XDA Chicken kissing a duck is GROSS.

Exorcism Of Emily Rose was quite ok, I liked the way the plotted out the whole story and the way it was told, great story tellling and characters.
Check out what Chris has to say about this

Harry Potter was just average, sure the effects and all that was a nice treat, but me being more a book person didn't like the way the characters was portrayed, kinda distorted from the book, but then again, each person's interpretation is quite different.

Cello is not really worth the money, just an average "scare you with the past" movies, and I find the main character annoying.

Now, I wanna watch this, hopefully today, cuz I'll be off to NC soon.

********************
as mentioned, went to 1U yesterday with Shok Chan and Yee Fun, while waiting for them as they watched Harry Potter, I sneaked myself to MPH XD

I prefer the MPH in Mid Valley

1U's MPH wraps up MOST of it's books and I can't find the books I want
-______- except Man and Wife, but it's a thin book and I plan to read it in one sitting, not buy it. blah, but it's wrapped up. nyerrrrrr...

but i managed to scout out a browser's copy of this

which makes me wanna get this book as well :P
and this

which I managed to finish, a really satisfying read.
I love the book!!!It's the kind of book that makes you feel like reading it the second time.

The book it's tells two sides of a story, when the character Eddie dies and meets the 5 people in his life, some whom he knew, loved and that mattered to him, some whom needed his forgiveness, even strangers who holds the key to the many questions in his life.

Awesome plot and description, the way the author weaves the story together, and the magical truth of sacrifice and the stories behind the people that we do not know and yet judge.

I'm gonna have to read Tuesdays With Morrie soon XD

********************
No life is a waste. The only time we waste is the time we spend thinking we are alone

Strangers, are just family you have yet to come to know.

~ The Blue Man, From the five people you meet in heaven

*****************

P/S: Visited Dewgem's blog... waaaaaaaa awesome conference she attended. I wanna get to know people from all over the world and exchange thoughts with them as well. What an experience.

totally random

2005-11-24T10:39:00.000+08:00

Currently reading

I wanna get

and

and

and I need to get a new bible, a thinner one so that i can carry around with me.
and I have no idea what version to get. heh

when online the first thing this morning, greeted Tan Sri while typing in Syen's blog url and was utterly amazed by the new layout and theme and everything!

*thinks of changing blog-layout*

aih, but I kinda sorta fell in love with the current one that you are staring at now, haha, took me ages to figure how to get it done by myself thanks to a crash course on html by Jon who by the way changes his layout every so frequently.

We'll see whether I'll fall in love with another one. :P

Visited Jo's blog and heard her aunty slang, then suddenly I miss having you people around me, all of you are a blessing to me, each and every single one, whether we still keep in touch or not, I am still blessed by that brief moment that made us more than strangers :)

The sky is sunny, running off to meet Ai Hui later :) then to 1U, gonna go to MPH... wheeeeeeeeeeee =)
ta!

I wish

2005-11-22T01:03:00.000+08:00

that I have super human strength to do everything that I want to do in one day.

that I can fly up to the sky and perhaps touch the stars

that I can close my eyes and just fall on the soft grass without a care in my heart.

that I can read all the books that I wanted, past, present and future.

that I can get everyone I love all the good stuff that they want

that I can be a more patient person.

that I can be more in touch with myself but for the purpose to learn how to be flattened by God.

that I can open my palms and feel the warmth of the sun shining on me

that I can blow bubbles and feel the salty wind from the ocean brush my hair away from my face.

that I have a chance to bouce on a water bed.

that I can see the most beautiful sunset ever.

to leave foot prints on the white sandy beach and wash the tide wash it away.

to learn to overcome my self to be in service for others.

that I can be all that I am made to be and to fulfill my destiny.

that I can learn to share mylife with all the wonderful people around me.

that you can have all you wish for.

the 10

2005-11-21T02:06:00.000+08:00

*Note - wrote this on 19 Nov, connection having PMS then, so here we are..*

Annnddd the semester draws to an official closure on Wednesday, after my last paper at 1.30 pm *hops around*

In my 1st semester in UM I have…

Worn out not one, but TWO pair of shoes… seesh, it’s already so hard for me to get shoes *stares at gigantic feet* and now I have spoiled TWO shoes *shakes head* thanks to all the walking.

Had 3 papers 3 days in a row during the PS conference, yes, it’s depressing.

stayed on the 4th floor, the highest floor on the already highest college, I hike everyday.

stayed in Uni on an average 5 days a week, any more will be rendered abusive to my system.

Have 6 hours of lab every week. Sniffles. During lab we try to analyze the old, old lab manuals of yellowing pages and 70s spelling of malay. And attempt an experiment that we know almost nothing about and depressingly not being able to succeed most of the time. bummer

taken 7 subjects, I shall not take so much until I am sure I can handle the pressure, I over estimated my ability this semester. Nyaahhhh.

Bought 8 liters of water AT least per 5 day stay. Why go thro all that trouble? I like my water plain, not rusty.

Slept at 9 and wake up at the wee hours to study, why? Cuz the television is too near my room, and the girls opposite my room have an unnatural habit of screaming on the top of their lungs when laughing at each other and talking in highly pitched shrieks and then bursting out in high frequency and decibel laughter, it can scare the skin out of you especially if you are concentrating on studying. Good thing I am a heavy sleeper.

Pay 10 dollars a day for rusty water, jail food, and shrieking floormates. Oh well At least I have a place to zzz. am sleepy, gonna catch my forty winks now, will blog more. Tata :D

Fallen Tears

2005-11-17T11:21:00.000+08:00

Fallen Tears.

She stares at the people around her
Speechless.
At the hurtful words and actions that was flung her direction.
Intimidated, she started running away.
And yet those poisonous arrows still stings her heart.

Confused and isolated,
She ran further, seeking refuge
Yet there was none,
She ran faster, seeking for safety
Yet reality looms largely on her.

Defeated, she retreated into the dark recess
Of the dark miry waters.
Wanting the cold darkness, to perhaps
Soothe the many wounds,
Per chance she could just die there, which seems like the only escape.

Yet as she closed her eyes
to shut out the heart wrenching thoughts,
The familiar thug on her heart
made the tears that she has been holding back for so long
cascade down her scarred face.

She then frantically tried to explain
That she didn’t wanted it to be this way
That she simply could not just go on anymore
That her hands were dirty, her heart was filthy
No longer worthy to be called His.

He gently hushed her distressed voice
And reached out to touch her heart
Meeting her weakness with His grace
Using her inability with His power
Overcoming her misgivings with His faithfulness

The familiar whisper into her ears told her to not hide
But stand
To not doubt but trust in His sovereignty.
To not fear but take courage and be strong
To not mourn, but to drink deeply from His eternal love.

He then took her into His arms and embraced her
In a way that she knew that only He could.
Healing her heart, reaffirming His purpose,
Loving Her once again as if she have never wronged Him.Faithfully and graciously restoring her brokenness.

Touching her at the deepest recesses of her soul and spirit,
And changing her into His image.
He smiled down at her,
His daughter,
And called her His once more.

She now know that He wills her
To let go of herself, and to go out once again,
Offering herself as His witness to carry His cross
And To face what was in front of her
Trusting Him to fulfill what He has spoken over her.

Like an infant learning to walk,
She wobbles and takes each step slowly
Like a child going to her first lesson
She stares back fearfully, looking for assertion from her Father.
afraid to be left alone, anxious that she will fall once again.

And yet, He still smiles at His precious creation,
As she takes a deep breath and stands out, trusting Him
He will be with her, making sure that she is safe,
giving her His strength and power over her weakness.
Yes, He will be there, to catch each and every fallen tear.

“Record my lament; list my tears on your scroll (or put my tears in your wineskin) are they not in your record?” Psalm 56:8

Fallen

2005-11-07T17:35:00.000+08:00

*pic from http://sillylittleidiot.deviantart.com/ *

Fallen - Sarah McLachlan.

Heaven bend to take my hand
And lead me through the fire
Be the long awaited answer
To a long and painful fight
Truth be told I tried my best
But somewhere along the way
I got caught up in all there was to offer
And the cost was so much more than I could bear

Though I've tried
I've fallen
I have sunk so low
I've messed upBetter I should know
So don't come round here and
Tell me I told you so

We all begin with good intent
When love was raw and young
We believe that we can change ourselves
The past can be undone
But we carry on our back the burden time always reveals
In the lonely light of morning
In the wound that would not heal
It's the bitter taste of losing everything
I've held so dear

I've fallen
I have sunk so low
I've messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here and
Tell me I told you so

Heaven bend to take my hand
With no where left to turn
I'm lost to those I thought were friends
To everyone I know
Oh they turn their heads embarrassed
Pretend that they don't see
That it's one missed step, one slip before you know it
And there doesn't seem a way to be redeemed

Though I've tried
I've fallen
I have sunk so low
I've messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here and
Tell me I told you so

I've messed up
Better I should know
Don't come round here and
Tell me I told you so

nothing

2005-11-07T00:09:00.000+08:00

exams up

stress mounting

praying hard just to pass with credits

Expectations lowered drastically.
ha. haha.

******

second class

feeling awful

feeling extremely awful

***************

depression is a chain progression

it often leads to sin, which leads to another sin

and after that, you'll feel even more depressed all over again.

The cycle.

************************

My eye hurts, dehydration.

My tummy hurts, indigestion, but I took care of it.

I guess I'm always used to taking care of myself.

Me, Myself and I.

Good? bad?

*shrugs*

***********************

I'm tired of thinking

tired of holding on.

tired of explaining.

**********************

Now I feel like

numbing my heart

numbing my brain

all over again.

like how I used to.

**************************

at least I have an empty shell to crawl in.

at least I can sooth myself with temporary worldly achievements

which I don even have now.

*****************************

it's already too hard to handle.

Familiar pangs of pain,

should I numb them the way I used to?

ha. haha.

****************************

and guess what?? it's all my own fault.

Rain, rain go away
don't evercome to make me cry
I need the sun to dry my tears
Rain, rain go away.

Jesus, I cannot go on anymore.

Cry

2005-11-05T04:50:00.000+08:00

Currently Listening: Cry Holy - Planet Shakers

Is it at our weakest moment when You speak the loudest?
Lord if You promise that this is Your calling, then why am I struggling?
Lord, why is it so hard at times to get a grip of myself?
Lord, 3 months and counting, but I find it harder and harder.

Lord, I need you strength, I feel so lonely and yet I still have to face the world with a smile, I thank You that You always strengthen me with Your presence.

I know I'll be okay, no matter how troubled I feel now. Because You hold me, even when I feel like giving up. And You encourage me, to be the best person that I was meant to be.
I know Your strength will meet me at where I am, let not I fall, catch me with Your grace.

Lord, I do not ask You to take away the choking pain, some things are needed to be dealt with, but Lord I ask, I only ask that You will help me continue this journey that You have set before my feet. And when my strength wavers, please keep me close to You no matter what.

Thank You Lord, for everything that You have done for me.

My peace is found in You.

Psalm 69:13-20, 29-30
But I pray to you, O LORD,
in the time of your favor;
in your great love, O God,
answer me with your sure salvation.

Rescue me from the mire,
do not let me sink;
deliver me from those who hate me,
from the deep waters.

Do not let the floodwaters engulf me
or the depths swallow me up
or the pit close its mouth over me.

Answer me, O LORD, out of the goodness of your love;
in your great mercy turn to me.

Do not hide your face from your servant;
answer me quickly, for I am in trouble.

Come near and rescue me;
redeem me because of my foes.

You know how I am scorned, disgraced and shamed;
all my enemies are before you.

Scorn has broken my heart
and has left me helpless;
I looked for sympathy, but there was none,
for comforters, but I found none.

Verse 29-30
I am in pain and distress;
may your salvation, O God, protect me.

I will praise God's name in song
and glorify him with thanksgiving.

Surely

2005-11-04T01:22:00.000+08:00

As surely as the sun never fails to rise.
You greet me as I wake
Such uncompromising love you have
For me, Your daughter, the one You call.

Surely such love that have captured me
Is not found in mere mortal
for nothing good can come
out of our selfish desires

Surely I can sing of Your love forever!
Surely I can proclaim Your faithfulness till the end of the earth!
Surely I can lay my feet on You, my firm foundation.
Surely I can place my trust in You, my Lord.

All that I've found in You
Can never be portrayed by words,
nor can it be fathomed
but it's nature is the same, pure and strong.

Catching me when I was falling.
Loving me when I was hating.
Comforting me when I was hurt.
Forgiving me when I needed grace.

You extended Your touch,
Your love, Your gaze and Your kingdom
To those around You,
Right up till the cross.

Where You hung in agony
So that I can inherit what was rightfully yours
and be washed clean of sin that was rightfully mine.
You exchanged so much for me, All for Love.

All the joy that is found walking with You,
The little surprises that You gave me everyday
The love, hope and joy that I draw from You
The hand that faithfully guides me to walk on Your way

Let not our journey end,
Let me not fail to grow,
to press on, to strive forward,
I believe Your voice, I hear Your truth.

Keep the heart of Your servant
pure and steadfast before You
and as You mould me into Your image,
Let Your name be glorified.

Let what You have done
from taking away our pain
to piercing Your hands.
Be a symbol, a covenant of Your everlasting love to us.

Psalm 34:8
Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him

Horror

2005-11-03T08:11:00.000+08:00

If you have not know it already, Malaya University (my proud University where I will graduate in 4 years time) took a a deep plunge from the already depressing state of #89 to #169 on The Times Higher Education supplement (THES).

Too shocking you say? I actually have a sense of cruel satisfaction initially; I thought this will be a rude wake up call to the University Administration, and also the students. Some thing in this place is so not right and we have to change it.

Being only in UM for only 3 months, the flaws I see ranges from horrifying, to funny to down right humiliating, when I see things unfolding around me I cannot help but wonder whether I have expected too high when enrolling into Malaysia's "Premier Uni". Can't help but feel a little cheated, studying so hard during my STPM just for this.

I know someone with the same CGPA as I, managing to secure a full scholarship in NUS. Me, who 3 months ago, was a big fan of the Malaysian Public Universities is no longer one. And I am still yet pending on my scholarship with the Education Ministry.

The major flaw with the Uni admin which is evident to everyone is living in denial and misplaced priorities. An extremely good example is how the VC reacted to the recent plunge, instead of giving some concrete explanations and promises to re-vamp the system by looking into ways for practical changes, our beloved Ayahanda says that he is no worried and is happy that we have improved.

After spending so much money on ads, banners and bill board

that could be channeled to improve the living conditions of the students in campus (and trust me, staying there only for 3 months, I can churn out a few high priority lists from rusting pipes, to cracked toilet seats) or the labs. (We are using a manual so out dated that punca cahaya is spelled puncha chahaya, go figure. Plus, our lab work this year is supposed to be in English) they still have the cheek to put this up in front of the main library, displaying our shame to public.

Notice
* the change or language abruptly
* for the nth year in the row, it's NOT the Times of London. -__-"

Denial is bliss, no?
Another example of misplaced priorities is that I am still YET to receive a bank slip to pay my fees and also the yet to be out time table for the next semester. Other Malaysian Public Uni has already settled that a few weeks earlier even.

Go to our student portal and notice that the internal server crashed, yesterday when I attempted to log in, I could not get anything but stare at the brand new layout in conjunction with the Hari Raya, getting more and more irritated by the moment. There is time to change the layout, but no time to make sure your internal server works properly? I can go on and on with the sad state of the things, but let us lay it to rest for the moment.

So what does the student have to say?The feed back I got so far is that they are not interested and have no comment.

The sheer ignorance of my peers irks me even more that the uni admin, of cuz, the Malaysian Education system have a reputation of churning out spoon fed student, but the 'I-don-care-as-long-as-i-get-my-degree-of-questionable-standards' attitude strikes me as plain foolishness.
and too add that minimal racial integration is observed, what happen to the Malaysian spirit?

I guess partly to be blamed is the students that are programmed to follow the flow and tradition, and ask no questions, the inability for them to think rationally and seek improvement even if it's only for them selves amazes me about the quality of graduates that our system will produce later. If these people are the builders and movers of our nation, our future in jeopardy.

I am sorry about the state that we are in, sorry that I am a part of UM. sorry that even the people that have can so something to change it is keeping thier heads in the clouds, it won't be too long before it's too late to catch up, lets all hope that our nation's premier can see the obvious and brutal truth and do something to ensure the future of us and our next generation, surely we can be better than what we are now.

Where would I be without Him?

2005-10-30T03:13:00.000+08:00

Because of You - Kelly Clarkson

I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself
Cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did,
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way
To never let it get that far

Because of you
I never stray to far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me,
but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because you know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake
A smile, a laugh everyday of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with

Because of you
I never stray to far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me,
but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I watched you die
I heard you cry every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry in the middle of the night
For the same damn thing

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I tried my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life
because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid

Because of you
Because of you

*jottings*
This songs conveys so strongly what I feel about my past, with ‘you’ being the metaphor of what I was a few years ago. How it made me into the person I am today.

I guess because of what I went through, the many break downs, many regrets, many misplaced steps, I sort of missed the fun of being a 20 year old, old enough to live my life the way I want to, yet young enough to set out on this world and try new things. I still find it so hard to trust people, especially in my university, even the Christians here, I always feel like an outcast pretending to fit in, sandwiched between people battling about doctrines and theology.

I always and still believe that the greatest testimony is not the doctrines that I am able to dish out, neither it is the war of words and how much I know in the bible.
The most powerful book that we hold so alive that it is so much more than just to give us head knowledge.
For our knowledge is only so limited, that’s why we need God which is all knowing.

I always believe that the greatest testimony is about the love that we can show, not by our might or within us, but by the love that is so freely lavished upon us by God. The supernatural love that enables us to love the worst of people, not because we feel like it, it’s because Jesus loved us when we were the worst.

1 Corinthians 13:1-3
If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

Often when conversations arises, the feeling of being different gets evident, I do not want to repeat the same mistakes, I do not want to be the same shallow person that I was, because filling my brain before my heart and soul was my downfall. or maybe there is just the part of me that is no longer willing to take risk of falling that low ever again, that lowest point I went through was what made me grow up in such a short time, but getting past that period takes such a long time, and I can never forget the scars I hold. Scars that still burns with agony.

Trying to shut down the past will never happen, no matter how hard I try, and I have learned not to. But instead I’ve learned to appreciate my past, a part of me that I cannot simply just erase and ignore, but I’ve learned to embrace my past and look forward to the future.

And feeling that low ultimately brought me to such close intimacy with God, is when he restores and where He heals, when my life was literally crumbling in to dust, God carried me past the most painful moments that I face behind closed doors, and I know that I need Him, that every breath that I breath and everything that I do, is solely because of His grace and His love, without Him, my life will be that empty hollow shell, that could only last me that long, before I fall into the painful cycle of self-sufficiency, of self-achievements, of self-possession, of selfishness.

It’s at this point when you realize that God is the only thing that you can rely on, you do not just need God to ‘help’ you along the way, but falling that hard made you realize that you need God to CARRY you through, without Him, even walking a single step is impossible, without Him, there is no sense in serving Him, simply because we are so unworthy to do so, without Him there is simply nothing at all.

And even coming into that realization, I still need God to teach me to hang on to Him in-spite myself, I still need God to wipe my tears away.
Being crushed inside out made me the person that I am today, because I know that at this moment, every living cell in me cries for God, every breathing moment to sustain me. And by that amazing grace that nailed Him on the cross, is the very grace that I live on today.

Some might say that I am weak, but I refuse to pretend that I am strong, because God is my fortress, and because of my weaknesses, His strength is perfected.

Isaiah 25:8
he will swallow up death forever. The Sovereign LORD will wipe away the tears from all faces; he will remove the disgrace of his people from all the earth. The LORD has spoken

Praise God that He sees through our past and mistakes, right into the person that He created us to be.
Praise Him that He is willing to love us, willing to change us, willing to patiently wait for us.
Praise God for He is there, just waiting to restore the broken hearted, to heal, and most of all, to love.
Praise God that He is bigger that our past, bigger that our fears, bigger that our mentality.
Praise God that He is the very essence that we can hang on, and I need no other than Him.

Praise Him!!

My first pay cheque!!

2005-10-27T15:42:00.000+08:00

Went back to school yesterday and FINALLY got my pay *hops up and down*

banked it in to my account :D so happy.

Anyhoo, when I was back at school one of my former students came up to me and thanked me *yes thanked me* for teaching her and she got an A for her science in her finals...

*big super grin* I am so proud of her I remember how hard the first few classes with her was, when she would just sit back and do nothing, but I guess God changed her attitude as she started paying attention in class, but I really never expected this!!

what a pleasant surprise :D

I thank God that He is constantly encouraging me trough so many people and means to walk firmly in the path he has for me, as hard as it is to constantly thank Him expecially when I get frustrated and lost in Uni, I thank God that He sees the tears I hold behind the smile I carry each day to class. I really hope that one day I can smile sincerely in this place.

I will praise Him thro my circumstance.

Faith Works!!!

2005-10-25T15:57:00.000+08:00

Introducing...

t

FGA North KL Satellite Churches Combined Youth Camp!
Date: 7-10 Dec
Venue: Peace Heaven, Genting
Speaker: Rev. Kenneth Chin

SPEAKER
REV. KENNETH CHIN IS A LAW GRADUATE FROM THE UNIVERSITY OF LONDON WHO TOGETHER WITH SANDRA, HIS WIFE SERVES FULL-TIME WITH THE ASIAN YOUTH AMBASSADORS (AYA).
HE IS ALSO THE PUBLISHER OF D2Y2 AND SERVES ON THE BOARD OF MCGM AND CHAIRMAN OF THE YOUTH COMMISSION OF NECF FROM 1996 TO 1999.
KENNETH HAS BEEN SPEAKING A MESSAGE OF RADICAL FAITH TO YOUTH OF ALL AGES SINCE 1988 AND FIRMLY BELIEVES THAT THE CHURCH OF MALAYSIA AND THE WHOLE OF ASIA WILL SOON EXPERIENCE A YOUTH-LED REVIVAL THAT WILL BLESS THE NATIONS OF THE WORLD. ORDAINED BY THE APOSTOLIC CHURCH OF NEW ZEALAND, HE PLANTED A CHURCH IN SUBANG JAYA AND NAMED IT 'ACTS CHURCH'.

Theme: Faith Works
Fees: RM 90 ONLY, inclusive of food, accomodation, transport, and t-shirt!

Wanna know what FAITH is about?

What is it the one thing that we have that can do all things?

See what FAITH can do

Mark 2:5
When Jesus saw their faith, he said to the paralytic, "Son, your sins are forgiven."

Mark 5:34
He said to her, "Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering."

Mark 10:52
"Go," said Jesus, "your faith has healed you." Immediately he received his sight and followed Jesus along the road.

What does Jesus say about the power of FAITH?
Luke 17:6
He replied, "If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mulberry tree, 'Be uprooted and planted in the sea,' and it will obey you.

and guess what, God planted that FAITH in you!!

Romans 12:3
For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you.

but how do you use it??

James 2:26
As the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without deeds is dead

Be prepared to have your FAITH strengthen, challenged, and transformed!!

We anticipate God to stir our FAITH in this camp.

Why don't YOU join us as well?

FAITH WORKS!!!

Note: Those interested in knowing more, please contact me, we already have 150 people registered, places are limited!!
Leave a comment or email me
or sms / Ring me up - 012-6679171

To down load registration form click HERE
and fax it over to 03-62778699
Be quick as registration closes NEXT week!!

I hope with all my heart to see you there!!!

Exam=no life

2005-10-25T09:14:00.000+08:00

Currently Reading : Man and Boy by Tony Parson

Study break : 24.10.2004 - 6.11.2004

10/11/2004 Tamadun Islam
11/11/2004 Thermal Physics
12/11/2004 Fundamental Mathematics
15/11/2004 Basic Electronics
16/11/2004 Calculus

mampused la all the papers so close, some more I can't stop reading story books...

>.<

confusion

2005-10-22T05:35:00.000+08:00

- I say that I hate my sister,
the truth is,
I hate my self.-

from Riding the bus with my sister

*jots*
the reflective context daunts me.

M-I-A

2005-10-17T23:24:00.000+08:00

recent test results shows something too dissapointing for me to even think about :(
major catching up required.

will be taking a break from the net and blogging until exams are done which is 16th Nov.

might pop up a post or two when I feel like it, but u will definately be seeing me alot less.

till we meet again, take care, be blessed and smile *hugs*

P.s: if it is not too much to ask, please pray that this fall will not kill my fighthing spirit and I will not choose to be depressed but to trust God and draw strength from Him daily.

Am not giving up!

2005-10-15T00:28:00.000+08:00

Don’t Give Up
by John Fischer

Do you realize how privileged you are to be on a mission? That means you are important to God. You are a part of His plan. You can’t blow this off. You can’t say you are worthless, and for God’s sake, you can’t take your life, because you are important to God, to us, and to the mission. In fact, if you are having severe problems and struggles right now, that means you are needed even more. Your perseverance will give many others hope.

Somewhere we have gotten the wrong idea that the best, most powerful Christians are the ones who sail over life’s problems — those with great stories to tell over and over again about how God delivered them sometime in their distant past. This kind of "ministry" is not really helpful, because in reality, no one sails over anything in life. We only think they do. So those people with their "perfect" lives only perpetuate a myth that, in the long run, isn’t helpful to anybody.

I often think of Joni Eareckson-Tada, a quadriplegic on a mission since her diving accident in 1967, and what would have happened if God had healed her 30 years ago. I’m sure that would have been wonderful for her, but not for the countless number of people since then she has emboldened by her everyday example of courage and dependence on God. The ones who can help are the ones who are toughing it through their own difficulties. They are the ones whose mission grows out of their own challenges.

I have a friend who goes through some stretches of depression so intense that his idea of a good day is the fact that he didn’t take his life. And he’s a pastor! Now some would say he shouldn’t be a pastor until he gets himself fixed. I say that if he were "fixed," he wouldn’t have anything to say to all those people he is ministering to now who struggle with depression. He’s got an incredible mission field, and he is, every day, a living, breathing testimony to the power of God — not to the power of God ten years ago when God fixed him, but the power of God today that gets him out of bed, gives him words to speak, and a reason to go on.
You see this is the type of mission no one is excused from. Deeper struggle only makes surviving that much more crucial. Remember? This isn’t about you. We’re not only talking about you making it. We’re talking about the mission that you will have, making it — the reach your experience will have into the real lives of others struggling with the same things.

Even when we are weighed down with troubles, it is for your comfort and salvation! For when we ourselves are comforted, we will certainly comfort you. Then you can patiently endure the same things we suffer. (2 Corinthians 1:6)

*jottings*
Lord, hear my cry and please keep me near to You, I do not ask that You explain why, I only aske that I will learn to rely on Your word, Your strength, Your promise and Your grace.

For I am nothing, without You.
and I can't go on anymore.

but I won't give up, not because of my own ability or strength, but because I choose, and I want to choose, to trust in You. And Lord, I know that You will provide that extra strength that I lack and You would carry me. Thank You.

phew

2005-10-12T18:35:00.000+08:00

thats all I have to say for now, barely have time to warm the chair in my room nowadays.

Finals are so close, can you believed that I dare not believe that my first semester is over? ugh.

my mind is in zombie mode and in hyper phase, had barely 3 hrs of sleep last night, cramming and stuffing and mugging and shoving inhumane portiond of partial derivatives and phase states and enthalpies and entropies and what nots into y poor misirable brain, which btw now refuses to think.

I'll go catch some shut eye now, zoning out infront of the com di, later have assignments to take care of. kindly excuse this random post .

take care everyone *hugs*

Dreams

2005-10-09T14:48:00.000+08:00

I remember staring at the broken pieces of what was left of my dreams,
trying to make sense out of it,
trying to comprehend,
trying to accept,
trying to overcome,
and most of all, trying to trust You.

Trusting You always seems so hard to me
as my pride and self-sufficiency hinders me from completely surrendering to You.
and oh, many times I still fail
for I am only human.
How long have You been crying when I hurt myself?
When rejection piles on me and I turn to the world for comfort instead of running to Your arms?

I want to be strong, yet I am so weak without You
I want to do great things, yet Your grace is the only true source that I have.
As I am crushed, my prayer is that You mould and speak to me,
My cry is that I will be humble and I will yearn to be close to You.

Let me trust You, for I can see that there is not other way
no other way that I can continue pursuing the dream that was planted in my heart than to trust you, the author and lover of my life.
no other way that I can go on claiming Your faithfullness if I do not live on Your faithfullness.
no other way that I can go on supplying my own needs, it's time to trow away all this pride, it's time to let it die and let the essense of Your love bathe and breath in me.

Keep my heart pure Lord, and hold me in these tough times
Yet I know I am safe when I stare into Your loving eyes,
for my dreams and my life are found in them.
and in Your nail pierced hands, is where You hold me, and my broken dreams.
and both are made whole, by Your touch, my Healer.

*jottings*

For once in my life, words fail to express what I felt and been thro the past few months, and yet God still understands me even when I find it so hard to understand myself and comprehend, I thought understanding comes with trust, but it was the opposite.

And when I reached one dead end after another, my spirit was killed with my cry of frustration. Yet even when God stretched out His hand for me to take it, there were times where I find it so hard to place my life in His hands.

His patient and kindness with me again and again amazes me.
and brings me to my knees in repentance and grief that I have done wrong again.
and yet, God still restores, isn't He awesome?
God breathed His love into me again, as He begin to sing and speak into my restless heart, peace that transends my problems and fears filled my inner being, and He will provide.
YES! He will provide, whether I understand or not, He told me to not to worry but instead to trust in Him.

I'm so happy that He will be there with me, as He has always been, as I step into UM again, and I pray that I will not let go of His dreams in me and His promises.

For You, Lord, I breath a soundless thank You that beats from the bottom of my heart.

S.U.I.T.L.I.N

2005-10-07T03:39:00.000+08:00

HAHAHAHAHAHA

How I wish I could Nullify my assignments >.<

*jumps back into assignments*

Tujuh Perkara...

2005-10-03T06:46:00.000+08:00

Sigh, tagging is just 'the' thing nowadays, maybe people now have nothing to post. XD

7 Things...

That scares me
1) Failing God
2) a loved one died
3) someone died
4) Dead bodies *Ding! don't smirk*
5) Fights between people I love
6) loosing someone that I care for
7) Letting go of my beliefs

That I like
1) Books
2) Internet
3) My Lappie
4) Food
5) Disney Movie Songs :)
6) more books
7) studying

*yes, I passed the course NERD 1001 with flying colours* :P

Important stuffs in my room
1) ME *duh~*
2) My QUEEN sized bed
3) my disorganized wardrobe >.<
4) My books
5) My notes
6) A 12-yr old Radio XD
7) Momentos collected all my 20 years of life.

Random facts abt me
1) I should be doing my tutorial on imaginary numbers now >.<
2) I am eating whole meal bread with peanut butter as breakfast
3) If I am eating alone, I don't spread peanut butter on my bread, I just put peanut butter in my mouth and eat a mouthful of bread XD. It taste better by the way.
4) I *and the whole world* am in need of cash XD
5) I crave good inexpensive food *extinct in UM and most parts of KL... I wanna go to Ipoh~~~*
6) I can't wait for the coming holidays, I have.... huahahaha
National Conference : 28 - 2 Dec (Peace Heaven)
FGA combine satellite churches Youth camp *what a mouthfull* : 7-10 Dec (Peace Heaven, again???)
HUGE camp!! :12-15 Dec (Melacca)
7) I need to study and do my assignments. *procrascination kicks in* :P

Thing I plan to do before I die
1) dance and sing in the rain at least one more time. :P
2) fulfill what God has for me.
3) Have twelve kids and live in a house with white picket fences XD
4) Graduate and serve Pitas!!
5) to Love you!!!!
6) see my family and those around me saved
7) Complete my tutorial on imaginary numbers *bishhh*

Things that I can do
1) curl my tongue
2) speak real fast and still sound sophisticated
3) speak real slow and STILL sound sophisticated
4) scare people with my tongue :P
5) play with words and people's mind :P:P:P
6) make myself bored very easily
7) friegns amusement

Things that I can't do
1) type without looking at my keyboard
2) stop breathing
3) stop wanting to be loved
4) stop loving God
5) stop counting stars when I see them
6) stop falling in love with the sunset
7) my tutorial on imaginary numbers... T_T

Things I say the most
1) Thank you - becuz ppl around me are always so kind.
2) nyerrrr *insert puppy dog look*
3) oh my goodness *insert jaw dropping motion*
4) HAHHHHH.... liddat also can one meh?? *do it in the very Malaysian slang with sweat signs*
5) why so liddat one? *insert pout*
6) whatever.... *insert eye roll motion*
7) I must stardee hard and be a useful person!!! *say it in a very ah-beng slang*

people that must do this
---anyone that feels like it---

*grabs tutorial on imaginary numbers and runs after Syen*

Purpose

2005-10-01T14:44:00.000+08:00

Just read a letter I got my hand on a week ago, from Emilia in Pitas, Sabah.

The letter came at such a time that I could not help but marvel at God's loving yet firm governance in my life.

It greatly encouraged me to strive for my degree and let God use me to serve Him at the rural areas of Sabah.

Have answered countless times why I choose this profession, why teaching?

My answer was lengthy then, now, it all boils down to the one sole word that God used to create my very existance, to sweep me off my feet, to change me, to fill me with: Love.

The first semester of my life in UM is about to draw to an end, to think that a year ago when I was studying for my STPM and dreaming of a colourful uni life, the possibilities, the opportunities, the big dreams that I dreamt when I set foot into Malaysia's Premier University, the place where the creme la da creme of the nation gathers, the place where future leaders and people able to contribute to society are trained and borned, the best years of my life.

or so I perceived.

Studying to me now seems like a burden and serves no purspose, the dreams of making a difference seems fast fading, my life was slowly but surely tipping off the balance scale, I get extremely dissapointed that things are not of my expectations, bribes, exortation, politics, back-stabbing, shoe shining...

Beginning to let go of the dream planted in my heart as depression hits again, I gained 5kgs the past two mouths, eating disorder has started all over again, my life here at uni feels like 5 long dreaded days where I only look forward to going home every Friday.

How am I going to survive 4 years in this place?

And yet, God grace have been sustaining me and telling me to not give up as He makes a way for me really helped me grow to rely on Him more and more, by sending people to encourage and to love me, those who were there for me, you know who you are and I am indeed truly grateful for all you have done.

I will not give up as much as I feel like it, because God's hand will carry me through, and

JJ gave me this verse a year ago *yes, am feeling quite deja-vu at the moment*

Galatians 6:9
Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.

I want to press on, and I want to hang on and testify of His love and faithfullness! :)

em' bad habits

2005-09-30T00:39:00.000+08:00

In respond to Syen and Jon's tagging, here I shall finally shed some light on the deepest darkest bad habits... thou have been warned that the blog owner will not be held responsible over any circumstances cause by any individual that attempts this.

Kids, do not try this at home

Mua bad habits...

1)Messy

er, this is kinda universal, aint it? Have exactly the same problem as Syen. I am very messy. but I am very particular of the cleanliness of the room, so you see mess, but there is no way that u can spot some half eaten pizza of smelly one-year old dirty socks.
My room is messy mainly due to my inability to organize *blek*and the many many thing that i posess. Scary.

If you have read this blog long enough, you would have known that I have this dilemma in cleaning my room.. hoho, check out my operation room cleaning.
My room was a complete wheck during my pre- STPM mouths, books and notes and papers EVERYWHERE... when I say everywhere, i mean it. the table will be like some kinda banjaran with a deep valley in the middle surrounded my moutains of books and notes, same goes with the floor, chair, and half of my queen-sized bed >.<

the perfect phrase for my room, quoted from Melvyn Ng "yoooorrrr, suity, your room look like tsunami and tornado played catch in it"

and trust me, they are STILL playing :P

2) Procrasinating

I procrasinate, in little things, in big things, in EVERYTHING. Ask any of my MSN buddies, I tell them I'm of to shower, and half an hour later I'm STILL infront of my com :S
I tell them I'm off to bed, but half an hour later, I'm still Online.
I procrasinate going out of my house, I might prepare early, and yet leave the house late for no apparent reason.
I procrasicate even during my BM essay paper, I have a hard time *as unbelievable as you may
find it* churning out factual essays about the enviroment, car accidents and what other topics that they can force us to come out 350 words with.
I even feel like procrasinating this post too :P

*edit* i did procrasinate this post, :P started typing this on 23rd Sep :P:P:P

3) I am hyper when I am happy/ stressed/whanever I feel like it la. :P

My hyperness can drive people to the moon, it spreads on MSN as well as in real life, my course mates commented that they couldn't stop cracking over my lame hyper jokes even after we bid each other farewell, if you managed to read a few lame hyper post that I have made here, you'd know. I am extremely hyper when I am extremely stressed.

ie: My stress level (s) is directly proportional to my hyperness(h), taking k as a unit-less constant we have the equation

s=kh

to evaluate the constant, considering Suity's stress level approaches infinity....

*ok ok... I am stressed :P*

-__-"

4) I have a weird sense of sarcatism.

I. am. sarcastic. Sarcatism level has gone up a whole notch since I entered Uni, people here making me stressed. yes and again, the square of my stress level is directly proportional with my sarcatism :P

kaka

I get sarcastic when I am irritated, which is on rare occasions, you need technique to irk me becuz I have super thick skin.

and when I am sarcastic, ppl find me funny. -__-"

never mind.............

5) I like to dance/sing/live/love like nobody's watching and like it's my last ;)

too individualistic, somesay, but i refuse to let people dictate over what i believe in, I believe in love the ultimate treasure, I believe in fairness and equality, I know it is far from it in the world, but I still choose to believe the good guys will win :)

haha, and am extremely stubborn about it as well :P

*note*

will try to post up sights and views from UM, until I get a samsung USB cable. :) *hugs* take care :)

Pausing

2005-09-25T23:52:00.000+08:00

Ever paused and think what matters to you in life.
Look at the work piled up before you and wonder about the significance of it?

Since entering Uni, my life been like a major roller coaster ride. and sometimes I get too preoccupied, with urgent matters that I neglect the things that are really important to God, it's been so long since I didn't rush spending my time with God, so long since I really sat down and prayed or interceded for those around me, so, so long since I last sat patiently at the foot of Jesus.

Little wonder why i feel so stressed up day in and day out, little wonder why I get irritated at the smallest matters. God is missing in the picture.

I guess when you know it when you sense the panic, (at least I do) when you don't feel God's hand and will guiding you, most of all, you don't sense His peace in your spirit. Subsequently allowing me to sin cuz of my own decietful thinking. :(

Then I know it's time to crawl back into His arms, knowing that God will never reject me even if the whole world has turn it's back on me. It's so hard to stand firm in what you believe in when you start this phase of life, and when you hang on to what you believe in, often you'll suffer the consequences.

Been back to my church today, it's like family to me. My spirit was lifted up by simply worshipping the true and living God there, just being in His supreme presence, the burdens disappear and new found hope flooded in my heart. As I cried out my frustrations and insecurities to Him, I knew that He hears, the amazing love that poured from heaven was there, God was there to quench my thirst for Him. He was there to reassure His love for me. He was there to hear, to heal, to give, and most of all give grace in abundance.

Such a great gift and symbol of the love of our Father. The simple gesture of love, Jesus didn't just said that He loves, He expressed it powerfully.

Am really excited to see God's work in my church, I remember asking Ding about a year ago *haha, I do have a weird memory* about the lack of zest in my church members expecially the youths, I too recalled about finding it hard to fit in, but look what God have done now, *Yes prayer WORKS* Praise God for His grace and mercy, hearing us crying out to Him every prayer meeting, being patient and gracious to us. I saw nothing then, during the few mounths of me struggling in Uni and not looking at my church, God's hand moved, hearts was changed, relationships was reconciled, and more importantly, God showered His love on us *grins* in such abundance that totally left us in awe. :D

I am so amazed how an old sing spoke to me today,

God will make a way,
where there seems to be no way,
He works in ways we cannot see,
He will make a way for me,
He will be my guide,
Hold me closely to His side,
with love and strength for each new day,
He will make a way.
He will make a way.

Jehovah Jireh, God will provide me with the strength to face each day!

how blessed we are to be called His people!

Ephesians 1:4-8
"For He chose us in Him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in His sight. In love He predestined us to be adopted as His sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance to His pleasure and and will -- to freely given us in the One He loves. In Him, we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace that He lavished on us with all wisdom and understanding."

being special rocks,
but being special to the King, now that can bring down the building!

Lonely

2005-09-22T09:22:00.000+08:00

It’s 9am, I have class at noon, and a Calculus test at 2pm.

I feel like giving up.

Haha

Ironic, aint it? When dreams can’t really carry you as far as you thought it would. Foolishly thinking that things can get sorted out as time passes, foolishly ignoring the various signs of being over used, over burdened.

I know what you might think, I tried to reason the same with myself. I told myself that in time I will adapt. But I find my self feeling more and more repulsive towards the people here. All conversation was initiated with the purpose of asking something from me. I began shutting myself from the people here, I do not wish to do so, but it just get too tiring, too taxing, too painful. Am I being selfish?

I tried, I really did.. I do not know how to share what I feel even with my brothers and sisters here in CF, infact, I don’t even know how to tell anyone what I feel now, how I dread waking up and going to class each day, how I dread meeting more people for more politics and socializing, how much I long to be myself here, but there space seems to be closing down on me.

The very question I dread now is ‘How are you?’
What is my answer? What SHOULD be my answer?
I know many people are expecting the best from me, heck, I even expect nothing but the best from myself.

Only God knows the silent tearless cry as I lead my life everyday now, plastering a smile on my face. Dishing out lame and sarcastic comments and jokes to make ppl laugh. Only He knows the tears I cried that I no longer dared to show it to people.

What happened to me?

You might think that I am being immature or not showing a good witness by posting this, but I am still myself, I am still weak, still vulnerable, still human. I am only being honest here.

I should go back to study my calculus.

God is the only one that really accompanies me nowadays.
He was the one that carried me when I was too tired to walk anymore.

"It's hangin' on when your heart has had enough
It's giving more when you feel like giving up
I've seen the light
It's in my Jesus' eyes"

*p/s: To Syen and Jon, the tagging stuff will be done soon, when i feel like it*

what drives you?

2005-09-19T19:15:00.000+08:00

caltex?? haha

i want God to drive me, but right now, I feel more like pressure driven. :S

I am less than 6 weeks away from my finals and the end of this sem, time does fly.

Been looking and evaluating on my work load and the things that I have decided to commit my self too, all taking too much of my time, once again of the many times in my student life, I need to strike a balance and learn to say no to people.

I just get so totally confused on how much should I help others and take up time of my own.
how much should I give?
how responsible and committed should I be?

I really wish that I have a clear cut answer, I really wish I had more wisdom and determination to do the things that I need to do and say no to the things that I don't. I really want to know what God wants me to do, but sometimes I guess i get too impatient and I choose to do things first and think later, something tells me that there are just too many things and that I am, afterall, just too limited to do everything.

Sigh, what really matters? everything seems to link and intersec with the other. :(

sometimes I just wish that I can trow it all away and forget about it.

sigh, just Wishful thinking. *-)

Single...

2005-09-19T07:01:00.000+08:00

The Single Parent
by R.R.Fretz

Start the coffee first thing in the morning
I wake up quickly without a warning

My little one sleeps, a bump on a log
She always wakes up her head in a fog

There are so many things still left to do
Combing her hair while I'm finding that shoe

For breakfast today, I warm cream of wheat
Then race to the car and buckle her seat

Later we decide what dinner to cook
I vacuum the floor, she finds a good book

She can't understand why I have no spouse
At times, she feels all alone in the house

But for my daughter, I'll always be there
I comfort her with, "I'm going nowhere."

Before bed she asks for time to cuddle
When in my arms her life's not a muddle

This isn't the life we had in our dreams
What ever will happen to us it seems

There'll never be a day where I feel sad
Ever I hear the words, "I love you, Dad."

*jottings*
Dedicated to you, my father.
Thank you for raising me the way I am.
Thank you for all you have sacrificed for us.

To you, the one who reads =)

2005-09-18T23:53:00.000+08:00

Just felt like saying this today

thank you for being a part of my life and holding me together, everyone single one of you.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>

Shout out

I love you tons and tons!!!!

Thank God for u all.

*hugs*

Stand up, stand out!!

2005-09-18T18:11:00.000+08:00

Sometimes, it takes COURAGE and GUTS to do what you know it's right.
.
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Be strong and take courage! For the Lord thy God is with you!! *taken from Joshua 1:9*

My colour?

2005-09-15T17:39:00.000+08:00

Your Power Color Is Red-Orange

At Your Highest:
You are warm, sensitive, and focused on your personal growth.
At Your Lowest:
You become defensive and critical if you feel attacked.
In Love:
You are loyal - but you demand the respect you deserve.
How You're Attractive:
You are very affectionate and inspire trust.
Your Eternal Question:
"Am I Respected?"

What's" Your Power Color?

the broken heart of glass

2005-09-13T05:27:00.000+08:00

She stared at the heart shaped glass ornament she held delicately on her palm, carefully balancing it’s weight.

She remembered how smooth the surface was, and the glass was so clear and pure that it made the heart look almost transparent.

She reminisce the beautiful refracted rays of the sunlight when it passed through the translucent shell. There must be something really special inside, to make all things that pass through it so breathtaking.

The heart of glass did not stay that way forever, sometimes people that she met will leave a dent here and a scratch there, some accidentally, some intentionally. There were many times where she was careless enough to damage it as well.

Slowly the heart of glass was not as beautiful as it used to be, it started to have finger prints and stains, permanent scars like cracks and grazes materialized. It hurts to see her once pure and beautiful heart so… used.

Still, she tried hard to remain optimistic, at least she still have her treasured possession with her.

Or so, she perceived.

Until one day,
Someone, somehow
Made her drop it.

The glass heart as if in slow motion, left the grasp of her hands and started to spiral downwards.

Very quickly.
Too quickly.

She reached down, as swiftly as possible to catch the falling heart.

The sound of glass shattering cut through the silent of the night
Penetrates the false tranquility of her soul,Piercing it with such force that the pain send
Waves upon waves of anguish in her.

Dropping to her knees, she started to pick up what was left of her heart, trying frantically to recover what was already broken.

In her haste, she never noticed blood trickling through her palm as she held the shattered pieces in her hand tightly, in fear that she would drop it once again.

Unknown to her, Someone saw.

He saw every hurt and wound from the very beginning, He could tell which scar hurts the most and recall every bent and scratch on the heart.

He knew, He understood.

He went to her, her with the broken heart.

He started to open her tightly clenched fist, tears streamed down His face as He saw cuts and wounds embedded with tiny and large glass pieces, blood oozing out and trickling down her palm.

He started picking out the glass from her wounds with His own hands, as He did, He began to bleed as well.

She started at the stranger that felt so familiar to her, She wondered whether He understood the pain, whether He knew what it felt like to pick up the broken pieces of life and summoning enough courage to carry on.

Until she saw the holes, pierced through His palms.
Until she saw the cuts on His forehead,
Until she realized the scars He bore on His back.

All endured so that she could come to Him and ask Him to mend her heart.

The last glass was removed from her palm and the wounds were completely healed.

Gently, He took her hand into His and taught her His love for her that will never be broken, contaminated or dirty. He gave her His heart of flesh.

She understood that there is no longer the need carry a heart of glass with her, as His love for her was already engraved in her soul.

Psalm 30:2 O LORD my God, I called to you for help and you healed me.

the day...

2005-09-12T13:54:00.000+08:00

to start the second half of my semester turns out to be an utter chaos, both to my own carelessnes and inability to arrange my time well and also some unforsee-able circumstances.

In short...

T_T

sigh

my nick on MSN now is

certified cuckoo-fied, suanafied, zenerfied, blah-dified

suanafied enduring 12 electric-less hours suana cum dorm room in uni, everytime someone comes by to fix the fius, i had new born hope, but I was dissapointed FIVE times already.

[ s y e n ] - one step closer to the edge says: wa..how u sleep???
Suit Lin says: suana slumber
Suit Lin says: how uhh
Suit Lin says: healthy
[ s y e n ] - one step closer to the edge says: >.<

zenerfied by trying to study Zener diodes while in suana, *not effective, don't try*
I guess if the suana did not fry my brains, studying about Zener diodes and it's curcuit can about do the damage.

and guess what?? *cheng cheng* I have test on 22, and 28 Sep.

T_T, whoopie

In all, does anyone have questions why I'm cuckoo-fied?

:P

have computer programming lab work at 2, which i know nuts about. *scratches Computer knowledge-less head*

I may add a new line on my MSN nick,

Dead-fied by progamming...

doodling vs studying?

2005-09-10T23:15:00.000+08:00

have you wondered about how much you actually study when u sit down? I actually dream/sleep/doodle more in front of my books than studying *slaps self*

Maklumat Pelajar

Nama : LEE SUIT LIN
No Daftar : SEP050077
No KPB : 851201145624
Sesi : 2005/2006
Semester : 1
Senarai Subjek Yang TELAH DISAHKAN :-

Kod Subjek Kredit Tarikh Peperiksaan
GXEX1402 TITAS KERTAS I 2 10 Nov 05 3.00 pm
SJES1210 MATEMATIK ASAS 2 12 Nov 05 11.30 am
SJES1221 KALKULUS I 4 16 Nov 05 11.30 am
SMES1202 FIZIK TERMA 2 11 Nov 05 8.30 am
SMES1204 ELEKTRONIK ASAS 2 15 Nov o5 3.00pm
SMES1271 FIZIK AMALI 2 -
SXEP1103 PERANC KURIKULUM DLM SAINS 2 21 Nov 05

JUMLAH JAM KREDIT : 16

Notice how closely each heavy subject is scheduled *I am such a goner*

>.<

woe to my self should I fail to achieve at least the dean's list this first sem.

consider also the fact that I think I screwed up all my mid-sem papers... >.<

*study study study*

ARRRGHHHH *no more last minute work*

-random quick jots-

2005-09-05T18:33:00.000+08:00

Was away at PD for the week end at the Local Leadership Development seminar organised by AIESEC, had real fun. Looking forward to attend the National Leadersip Development seminar in UKM the coming hols at year end... but we'll see how it goes.

*bows head* I didn't managed to quit GACC *slaps self* sigh somehow the seniors promised me that it won't take up much of my time and even when I mentioned that my commitment wasn't fully there, they said that they would not accept my resignation until I have really tried.

Fine then, I will see how it goes.

I really hope that I am doing the right thing, yes, amittedly, the past was already a mistake, shall I try to change my mindset with God's help?

Have started voluntering tuition at a orphanage near my Uni, it's called Shelter... Am tutoring a F5 student, Chee Tat in General Science.

Am also seriously considering about helping the blind in my Uni by offering to read to them, most likely I'll do it. It would be a great experience to work with them :)

I have to finish retouching the script for my church's up-coming mime presentation. Haven't step into my local church for 3 weeks already.

Decided to apply for the education department scholarship, which also means that once approved, I'll be bonded by the government for 5 years.

Will try to make use of the time I have this short holiday, after the scholarship application and GACC marketing drive is sattled I only have 4 days left *whimpers*

My heart is that as I continue to learn to grow and open myself up for changes and opportunities, God will constantly use me to serve those around me and to learn to humble myself for Him. I need to hang on to Him evermore, may all that I will achieve through Him be creditted under His never fading faithfullness.

Keep me close to You, Lord.

Long awaited

2005-09-01T02:42:00.000+08:00

updates are here, sorry for the long lapse... haha blame in on both my laziness and the weird wireless service I'm getting here at UM...

The past week have undeniably been a struggle, had heavy papers on lectures I know nuts about, plus was busy being a part of the ad-hoc of GACC... I have decided to hand in my resignation letter by this friday... It was taking too much of my time and I was reverting back to my old selfish self. Which, by the very thought of it, scares me.

I really have a hard time adapting to the lifestyle here, in a place where people search for power, academic achievements and popularity, the very same thing that I used to fill my empty life, to numb the visible pain and insecurity, building a fortress high and mighty with my own so called achievements and status, to gain acceptance through my own works, all out to prove to the world that I can do all things with my bare two hands.

God had to convict me a few times to let me see that I had to search to humble my self, His gentle yet firm prompting to refocus what that matters. Thank God He renews and help me everyday.

He showed me that my drive to achieve and seek acceptance was due on my deep rooted hurt from being rejected as a child,
I remembered how I felt when I was told that my parents was divorced even before I was born. I remembered the way my relatives used to tell me how bad my mother was and how I will be exactly like her, how my dad will not want me and send me to an orphanage.
I remembered not having any friends growing up as a child, due to my apprearance and back ground.
I remembered that one day i told myself that I will never ever again be vulnerable to those hurtful words. And that I had to be strong for my self.
I knew a long, long time ago that I had to fend for my self.
To survive, killing others is necessary.

I was angry.
Angry at the cruelty of words thrown at me and stabbed my heart into a hideous mass.
Angry at the unfairness of my past
Angry that I was not in control
Angry even at those who tried to reach out to me.

My heart was torn apart by rage.
Pride then whispered to my ears,

It made me heartless and emotionless
It made me turn my eyes from those who need help and build my achievements at the expense of relationships that matters.
It made me felt that for once that I was in total control of my life.

It made me temporarily numb towards the hurts.
It helped buried the pain, but it did not heal it.

Pride took hold of my life, and made me lose my soul.
It made me it's slave.

Had not God intervened and showed Himself to me I would still be conquering the world at the expense of my heart.
Had not God been gracious enough to go deep into my heart and start healing the deeply emmersed pain and hurts, I would never understood what it meant to be free from the chains that hold me down.
Had God not shown me His strong love for me, regardless of my past and my identity by giving His life, I would never understood the meaning of eternal life.

God replaced my rejection with His complete acceptance,
He took my pain into His nail scarred hands,
I knew there and then that this was the only solution.
I knew that there is no one else that I can follow.

I do not want to pick up the pride that God taught me to throw away,
No matter how much it hurts to die to my own selfish desire.

God's love that overflows will be my only living source.
It's more than enough.

I am stubborn enough to believe,
as God was stubborn enough to save me again and again.

Bah

2005-08-27T19:42:00.000+08:00

packing up no go home now... oooooo me so HATE over-dominant guys....

*fellow blog readers, kindly stuff ur ears with cotton, or better yet, stay in a vacuum contained space*
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You have been warned...

AAAAAARRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*takes a deep breath*

shall blog later abt over-dominant, ignorant ungentlemen guys...

*shuffles off to pack dirty clothes to go home*

Bah!

Six twenty-six

2005-08-24T06:34:00.000+08:00

says my computer clock now, I'm taking a short break before I submerge myself under the dangerous torrents of thermal physics, where there is high risk of NEVER making it out alive.

blah.
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*shuffles off to study* >.<

Picking up and moving on

2005-08-23T07:45:00.000+08:00

Now listening to: All I Need Is You
by Hillsong United

Left my fear by the side of the road
Hear You speak
Won't let go
Fall to my knees as I lift my hands to pray

Got every reason to be here again
Father's love that draws me in
And all my eyes wanna see is a glimpse of You

All I need is You
All I need is You Lord
Is you Lord

One more day and it's not the same
Your spirit calls my heart to sing
Drawn to the voice of my Saviour once again

Where would my soul be without Your Son
Gave His life to save the earth
Rest in the thought that You're watching over me

All I need is You
All I need is You Lord
Is You Lord

You hold the universe
You hold everyone on earth
You hold the universe
You hold
You hold

*jottings*
The past few months have been challenging, many times I had to make a consious decision to deny my self and what I want, and want what God wants for me out of His love.

I often will not let go without raging a battle within me, I'll kick, struggle and cry. Even after letting go, it's so hard to rest assured that what I have done is the best for ME *note the self-centeredness* I feel vulnerable when things don't go my way or when I can't control things, I feel vulnerable when I smile and start loving those around me, and I hurt when I let go of things that I really want because I know it's not what God wants for me.

in the end I feel so empty, like doing everything in God's will drains out every part of me, I'll feel frustrated, aggitated and betrayed.

Yet, amidst my insecurities, God is there to guide and comfort me.

"All you need is Me"

It took a while for it to sink in.

The love of God that made me surrender to His embrace a year ago is the only reason why I am holding on to Him now. The only reason I choose to answer His calling in my life and trust Him to bring me there in His time.

And as my heart shatters again and again and again when I let go of things that I would want for myself and take up the cross, I know that God will just be a step behind me to catch me when I fall, but not too far that I can't touch His robe and find solace and comfort.

I need You Lord, to do all these, for I am so weak without You.

Unspoken Love

2005-08-22T17:50:00.000+08:00

Unspoken love.

The silent sky sings a melody
Of sorrow,
Of guilt
Of solitude
Of bitterness

A melody that escapes her mouth
Sings of a longing of every soul
For a sense of belonging
A sense of hope
A knowledge of being loved.

The stars resonates with her voice
A voice so sweet yet hollow
So harmonious yet disturbing
How do one cure the pain within?
The silent throbbing, yet shown in her empty eyes.

A Man of sorrow teaches her something more
Of comfort amidst sadness
Of forgiveness amidst her guilt
Of peace amidst solitude
Of love amidst bitterness.

A calling of love comes from His mouth
Answers the longing of you and IA place to belong in His strong arms
Hope displayed when He became human and yet overcame.
Love laid, bare with His life on the cross.

The bleeding scars tells it all
He had the throne of heaven, yet He choose a crown of thorns.
He had all, yet choose to give all to have us.
Grace and love packaged with such great price
The silent act of love, yet so evident in His nail-pierced hands.

Christ Jesus, thank You for Your love for the world.

*jottings*
Wrote this last week, when I was studying late into the night.

God still amazes me with His gracious love and care for us all, loving us inspite and despite ourselves, how wonderful it is to know that He loves us the same everyday!!

I'm still learning to cope in Uni, and more importantly to learn to be fully content in God.

I thank God that He will never give up on me no matter how much I fall shprt of His glory.

Wet...

2005-08-18T11:44:00.000+08:00

and shivering in the com lab, braved the rain for a 20 mins walk from thev Jalan Gasing KWSP back to campus... hehehe... finally got my account done, and my long overdue pay from teaching will be given to me soon...

Test starting next week, have 3 heavy papars consecutively... and an assignment to be handed in by friday, decided to be involved in College activities after all, am now a part of the marketing department of GACC, a Rakan Muda international chess championship... have AIESEC meeting later in the evening.

Busy busy.... tired tired.... :P:P

Am so hyped up about being able to serve in my church's combine youth camp AND go to HUGE~~ wheeeeeeeeeee.... but that also means that I won't be able to be there to see the finish product of GACC... but i get to go to HUGE!!! *jumps up and down*

thats all, gtg catch a late bfast and have class at 12, missing you loads... *hugs*

Take care and God bless :)

Closeness

2005-08-14T15:25:00.000+08:00

Dry and cracked was what I was.
So dry that there were no tears in me
So dry that all I am was numb
Numb against all feelings.
Dead

Until You rain down Your living water
in this dry and lifeless place
I will never be satisfied
Until You breath in me
and be make me Yours completely
I will never be whole.

The essence of what You are
start seeping into every dry pore of my soul,
huge droplets of water filling the vacuum within.
I start to see and understand
The blood You shed to give me hope
The life You crucified to give me freedom

Your presence that poured down on me
washed away my inequity
cleans me from my sins
and flushes away my insecurities.

Guard me right in Your ways
for my flesh longs for things that displeases You
help me stand firm
as I take refuge beneath Your wings.
and learn to be closer to You.

Be close to me Lord,
for I cannot go on without You.
because in You my shame is wiped away
and I am graciously cloaked in Your glorious love.
Alive, in You Christ Jesus.
A place I truly belong.

Psalm 51
1 Have mercy on me, O God,
according to your unfailing love;
according to your great compassion
blot out my transgressions.

2 Wash away all my iniquity
and cleanse me from my sin.

3 For I know my transgressions,
and my sin is always before me.

4 Against you, you only, have I sinned
and done what is evil in your sight,
so that you are proved right when you speak
and justified when you judge.

5 Surely I was sinful at birth,
sinful from the time my mother conceived me.

6 Surely you desire truth in the inner parts [a] ;
you teach [b] me wisdom in the inmost place.

7 Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean;
wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.

8 Let me hear joy and gladness;
let the bones you have crushed rejoice.

9 Hide your face from my sins
and blot out all my iniquity.

10 Create in me a pure heart, O God,
and renew a steadfast spirit within me.

11 Do not cast me from your presence
or take your Holy Spirit from me.

12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation
and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.

13 Then I will teach transgressors your ways,
and sinners will turn back to you.

14 Save me from bloodguilt, O God,
the God who saves me,
and my tongue will sing of your righteousness.

15 O Lord, open my lips,
and my mouth will declare your praise.

16 You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it;
you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.

17 The sacrifices of God are [c] a broken spirit;
a broken and contrite heart,
O God, you will not despise.

18 In your good pleasure make Zion prosper;
build up the walls of Jerusalem.

19 Then there will be righteous sacrifices,
whole burnt offerings to delight you;
then bulls will be offered on your altar.

*jottings*

Today's massage was based in this bible passage.
I realized that over time many sins had start to clutter my life
including arrogance, ignorant, pride, jeolousy and judging others.

I sometimes set a standard too high for myself and those around me. And when people dissapoint me or when I dissapoint myself the judging and the discrimination occurs. Many times I have to time out and ask God how to humble myself while dealing with others, how to not focus on thier sins but rather love them the same way God loves me.

Time to reflect and take action again. To regain the intimacy I once had but was lost along my walk with Christ. When I get to judgemental and prideful, I cannot draw near to Him unless I let myself die. I seriously donno how this attitude in me is going to change, but I trust God that He will help me. And thank God that He always waits on us to wait on Him.

Sleepy

2005-08-10T02:56:00.000+08:00

Am blogging this on some one's lappie who happen to have wireless connection... dang I have to wait for ten days before I can get mine.

Still studying for me test, Basic electronics... *yes, I can see you smirking* lalalala

Still have lab report to do... ciaoz ppl. Take Care will update soon *hugs* :)

p/s: JIN is back!!!!

First post on lappie

2005-08-07T00:26:00.000+08:00

Dang my eyes are heavy… AGAIN

Slept for 13 hours yesterday, guess I was really tired out from the late nights in uni.

Studying? Well, kinda… I have mamak sessions from 12 till 2 and come back to study until about 4 am… my classes from a range of 9am to 12pm, so it’s still ok… hehe.

Been more comfortable about mixing around with people here, what Stef said about accepting things and people with an open heart is true…

Recently involved in PKVUM (Persaudaraan Kristian Varsiti Uni Malaya) and AIESEC… hope to gain further exposure as a student and a young adult.
Finally looking forward to a beginning of a new phase of my life.

I mentioned that I was having a hard time finding my place in uni, I still am… I feel so different and weird, in an awkward kinda way even. I guess in terms of changing to fit in, I’m still very stubborn in what I believe in. What Ding posted on his post is so true about only having I-only-talk-to-you-cuz-I-want-something-from-you conversations. Have we humans become so materialistic?

On a brighter note, I’ve found a few individuals that share the same thinking about life here and how weird it is to only harness personal benefits from relationships, found a few mature ones that I can talk to and exchange views… maybe there is hope for me after all.
:P

Am praying ever more to be used by God in this campus, with so much opportunity around, I can’t just let my four years here past without being a vessel and making an impact for Him here.

*run of to hang clothes*

Hehehehe

Back..
*Yay!! 70% of MSN Messenger d/l-ed on lappie*

In an attempt to make this boring post interesting, a few things worth noting in my first month in UM

Met a funny guy from law fac, Sam… who’s random word is ‘squat’ and ‘squatto’. Adds it in the beginning/centre/end of his sentences whenever he fancies and has a great fear of cute felines *don’t ask me how I found out* :P

most of the guys in my residential college are the typical Chinese ah-bengs… they can get so shy that when you talk to them they stare at their shoes… *yes, it hurts to be less attractive compared to a dirty pair of sneakers* *sniffles* =P

Two chinese guys I know so far being exceptions, namely Willsen and Gary… this two are the major jokers in the mamaking sessions.

Willsen is the king of gossip… the latest scoop is found none other from him, and Gary… hails from Ipoh…. An abeng-ish guy with flair…. Hahahha

K la gtg sleep now… so much for just rambling on… take care ppl :D

*hugs*

UPdates

2005-08-05T16:39:00.000+08:00

Playing in my mind: Still - Hillsongs

Life resonates between a feeble swing of up and down...

Finally gotten myself a laptop

Toshiba Satellite A80

Still trying really hard to get broad band service in campus, hopefully I'll get to keep in touch with most of you guys.

Settling down is still a challange, I often still question God about my purpose here in UM, for 4 long years. managed to have a meaningful conversation with one of my senior from CF...

"The faith that we believe in is not a faith that flaots on air but it's real and it's solid and rooted in God's word"

Sometimes while walking through the streets of UM, it feels like I'm alone... not alone as in without company, but the kind of loneliness that as if no one really understands me deep inside... like walking this street alone.

I wanna hang on to God's hand... and I know that He will never let me go. He is so real... in me and in this world, I just wanna seek to move on and grow in Him more... may this be a stage of constant changing and refining. And the very fact that I can't deny that I need Him more than ever to hold me still.

Take Care you guys! *hugs*

Jin Kor: Glad you landed safely in Malaysia and the AWESOMELY AMAZING testimony of God's love and work in your life*whoa, I could't breath while reading it*, looking forward to see God do even greater things in time to come. Be blessed always!! *hugs*

A step closer

2005-07-30T17:46:00.001+08:00

Listening to: Worthy is the Lamb - Hillsongs
Thank You for the cross Lord.
Thank You for the price You paid
Bearing all my sin and shame
In love You came and gave amazing grace

Thank You for this love Lord
Thank You for the nail pierced hands
Wash me in Your cleansing flow
Now all I know, Your forgiveness and embrace.

Worthy is the lamb
Seated on the throne
Crown You now with many crowns
You reign victorious
High and lifted up
Jesus son of God.

The Darling of heaven crucified
Worthy is the Lamb.

*jottings*

Shoulders that carried my pain
Shoulders that gave His all to me.

Greatest love.

What does it mean to realy stand and testify for You?
When things gets hard how do I hang on to You?
I want to learn to trust You more.

Trust Your timing, Your plan, Your hand, Your guidance, Your love
By saving my soul Your actions speaks volumes to me,
By loving me when I was most unlovable.

Mingle my soul with Yours.
Break me and make me Yours alone.
Help me take your hand in trust and in awe.
Truly humbled by Your amazing gesture of love.

Guide me to take a step of faith, closer to You.

Butterfly

2005-07-28T16:17:00.000+08:00

Beautifully etched in a cacoon
By The Maker's hand.
Crafted in love,
With charm that only He could see.

"For you are fearfully and wonderfully made"

Waiting for a rebirth.
This person waits deep in her shell.
Seeing darkness, living mocked.
She knew there must be more than life in the dumps.

Reaching out His hands The Maker
weaved, with His awesome wisdom
With His mighty voice.
The very voice that spoke the universe into being.

"In Me, you will be free, because I love you"

The mighty God that made heaven and earth
The loving God that loved us inspite of ourselves
Never giving up on us.
Graciously calling us as His.

The butterfly, washed by the Maker's touch
Spread it's wings
and starts to fly.
Beautiful as it was created to be.

*jottings*

You can see God in everything :)

Was thinking how about how much love God lavished on me for me to here today. to Be who I am in Him.
Free

Test

2005-07-28T16:10:00.000+08:00

Advanced Global Personality Test Results

Extraversion		63%
Stability		36%
Orderliness		36%
Altruism		50%
Interdependence		50%
Intellectual		76%
Mystical		56%
Artistic		50%
Religious		90%
Hedonism		16%
Materialism		36%
Narcissism		56%
Adventurousness		50%
Work ethic		56%
Self absorbed		50%
Conflict seeking		43%
Need to dominate		43%

Romantic		56%
Avoidant		56%
Anti-authority		50%
Wealth		30%
Dependency		56%
Change averse		50%
Cautiousness		70%
Individuality		70%
Sexuality		63%
Peter pan complex		50%
Physical security		63%
Physical Fitness		17%
Histrionic		50%
Paranoia		63%
Vanity		56%
Hypersensitivity		70%
Female cliche		63%

Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

Gotten this from Jo's site
attempted this test while waiting pages to load... computers are slow here >.<
I have no idea abt the results tho :P

Cold

2005-07-26T15:54:00.000+08:00

My hands are practically N-U-M-B

Have 19 minutes to blog until the com lab closes, dang, it's so unconvenient to not have a computer.

This is the third week I'm in lectures now, work and assignments are beginning to pile up. must crank the old engine up and get it working.

Heh.

Starting to get a hang on the seniors. Currently adapting the none-of-my-business attitude. Will be attending the CF tomorrow and going out with Joey and Jon next this Thurs AND nextThurs!!! Yay!!! lalala

Study Study Study....

Friends

2005-07-22T18:46:00.000+08:00

Listening to:Horie Yui - Friendship (Love Hina soundtrack)
*thanks Syen!!*

:D I really thank God for the friends and support I have in my life.

Thank YOU for caring and being my friend:)

No one wants to be someone’s project; everyone wants to be someone’s friend.- John Fischer

*hugs*

Thank you for making me feel wanted again.

Sanity

2005-07-21T18:57:00.000+08:00

Things that keep me sane in Uni

God --> Spending time with Him and living eachday knowing that His strength is the only source I live on is the thing that keep me facing each day.
Blog--> thanks for the msgs, care and prayers.
Online --> thank you online buddies!! :D
Sms--> If I spammed u, you'd know why.
Food--> yes I am eating like crayzy nowadays
Milo--> Personal record 5 packets a day
Weekends--> you have no idea how much I look forward to go home.
Church--> my home too!!
Going out--> I am desperate to escape from UM. Yum Cha?? Lunch? Dinner? early morning Dim sum?
Studying--> need I say more? :P

yawns. gonna eat dinner then going back to bathe and zzz ta!!

Wasted

2005-07-21T11:11:00.000+08:00

What is the proper term to describe me now?

I donno.

Wasted.

Ha-ha.

Gathered news that seniors wanted to rag us AGAIN last night. I may be a lowly freshie, but I still have my mind and heart to consider. It's the third week in uni, not only had the "orientation" *note the inverted comma* became worse, seniors started to brainwash us into thinking that we "live" to give to the uni and residential collage *this is my cue to puke* and results and studies are secondary as long as you can make it to the next year.

I went into Malaysia's "premier uni" hoping to interact with ppl of the same maturity and thinking. But all I got was a bunch of doofus who are just managing to pass thier courses and wasting thier life away bullying us.

I am dissapointed.

Mahasiswa dan Mahasiswi

What a good name.

blah.

Went to Sri Hartamas, drank a few hours away with my room mate.
Maybe only us KL ppl feel this way abt life in Uni.

Wasted.

lalalalala... never tot that alcohol really helps you destress.

I hate uni, I hate the life there, I hate the seniors, I hate.

I just want to go home.

Tell me again why should I stay here?

So much for studying hard in F6 and enjoying the 'best' years of ur life.

lalalalalala, maybe more alcohol will help.

balik rumah!!

2005-07-15T23:56:00.001+08:00

I'm back home.

hahaha, cabutted from the residential college just now, dad came and pick me up. UM is only a 20 mins drive from my house... kekeke

home home home.

Something worth noting in UM is the active movement of the buddist society there. I was surprised to be approaced by a senior even after knowing that I am a Christian they persisted to take care and me and invite me to their events. One of them even purposely tapau-ed some tong-sui for me becuz she knew I was not feeling well. I was touched by her concern.

Which made me think, when was the last time I went an extra mile just to show my love and care to a person?

Thirst

2005-07-15T10:56:00.000+08:00

Where is the rain?

Dear Lord.

Break down the wall that I have somehow build up between us.

Tear down the mask that I once percieve is the real me.

Oh Lord, who am I in You?

I'm sorry.

Why is it that I can still feel the aching pain, why is it that when I close my eyes I can still see the shadows from my past, why is it that I keep the bouts of bitterness inside?

Lord, I need once again for You to pour Your love into me. Fill my dried up spirit.

Tell me once again that all I truly need is You and You alone and that no one else will take You away.

Do not let me slip thro Your grasp.

Lord, it hurts to feel so dry.

I want Your living water.

I know

2005-07-13T15:47:00.000+08:00

Thanks to You Lord
I know, I know I can get throught this.

Thanks for Your strength each moment, Jesus.
I know that I can live by Your name and Your nature.
Wherever I am, whoever I face.

You, the only Rock on wich I stand.

sniff

2005-07-13T10:28:00.000+08:00

I hate Uni, I know I will regret saying this in the long run but kindly allow me the luxury of ranting.

I hate hate hate.

gah.

Down with a case of fever, yesterday the seniors crammed all the girls in our residential colleges in a stuffy narrow dorm corridor sweating our hairs out and gave us a earful of nonsence...

Literally FORCED us to stay in Uni this weekend, when I told them that I have church, they said this

"Kalau nak pergi jangan balik lagi"

then FINE, I AM NOT staying anymore!!

I can stand being bullied, living in the worst conditions (think bathing in river and eating baked beans everyday like camp), but I simply CANNOT stand being treated like an animal.

Classes are hard, I don even understand half of what the Lecturer is presenting.
Senior rag us until we are too tired to study.

T_T

I HATE UNI.

Library?

2005-07-12T09:51:00.000+08:00

Am sitting at the com lab in UM main library

Am lost amidst the 1.3 million books here

hah

intended to get some text books here, but the online database indicated that the books are ONLY available at the Engineering Faculty Library... gah, haven't they realise already that we Physics majors study electronics too?

haih, going to the student affairs department now, hope to get a scholarship.

Brain inactive, can't construct proper sentences. :P

*streches painful back*

offer me a free message and aroma theraphy anyone? :P

have maths class later at 12, calculus... whooopie!!!

shall blog more... tata :D:D:D

*hugs*

p/s: I miss lotsa people.. :(

And so it begins

2005-07-03T00:37:00.000+08:00

Today marks a new day, a day where I will set foot in one of the most *insert any big word that you prefer* Uni in Malaysia.

Science with Education, UM.

I feel so jumbled up now, hah, donno how or what to say... but I do look forward to whatever thats ahead, be it good or bad; my God is here and His grace *yes, Ai Hui* is sufficient.

I really hope that things get settled ASAP, expecially my heart. And the home work that I have to work on about learning to yield to Christ and die to myself.

*sing this everyday!!*
Jesus loves me, this I know. For the bible tells me so.
=D

ok, I'll just stop here today.

Take care, God bless.

I'll be missing you!

Self worth

2005-06-27T20:04:00.000+08:00

What's wrong, what's wrong now?
Too many, too many problems.
Don't know where she belongs, where she belongs.
She wants to go home, but nobody's home.
It's where she lies, broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.
Broken inside.

Her feelings she hides.
Her dreams she can't find.
She's losing her mind.
She's fallen behind.
She can't find her place.
She's losing her faith.
She's fallen from grace.
She's all over the place.

-Avril Lavigne, Nobody's home.

*jottings*

I guess no matter how much you want, the past just never truly leaves you alone.
I always struggle with my identity in Christ, I always wonder why God want to take such a broken person in Him home, why would God want to heal me.

Unworthiness.

Eph2:1-9
As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins, in which you used to live when you followed the ways of this world and of the ruler of the kingdom of the air, the spirit who is now at work in those who are disobedient. All of us also lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our sinful nature and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature objects of wrath.
But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved. And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus. For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

I guess this is where God's grace and mercy falls in the picture, the fact that I can't earn it, the very fact that he choses me to be His, is the only thing I need to know. And that is where I put my trust in.

I cannot change my past, all the bad things included, nor can I stop feeling the brokeness inside. but I need to understand as Paul said

Phil 3:13
Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

I am made worthy by God's grace, and I'll push on with His strength and love. I'll be refined in His time. I am not defined by my past, neither by my mistakes, but by Christ out His abundant love in me.

Oh Lord, Your tenderness
Melting all my bitterness
Oh Lord, I recieve Your love

Oh Lord, Your loveliness
taking all my ugliness
Oh Lord I recieve Your love. ~ Thank You for replacing Yourself with me.

One

2005-06-24T04:21:00.000+08:00

You are the One.

That weaved me gently
With love,
In my mother's womb.
When You saw me,
as You rejoiced in what You had made.

You are the One.

Whose hands where there to catch my tears
hands that calmed the raging seas,
where the hands that cupped my face gently and loved me.
hands that were pierced,
so that I can be where You are..

You are the One.

Whose voice that calms my fear,
voice that spoke into existance this world
the very voice that spoke deep into my heart
when You told me that You cared for me,
as You taught me how to grow in You.

You are the One

Who sets me free
Free from the things that tied me down.
You reedeemed me from the snares of the evil one.
and You called me Yours.
Your precious one.

You are the One
Who pour forth Your sweet love in me.
Who open Your arms wide to take me in.
Who accepts me,
Who cleans away all my past,
Who brings me to a new future in You.

You are, Lord Jesus.
My only One.

*jottings*
Above all Lord, What I am now,
What I was then, and what I am to be Lord,
I thank You for loving me inspite of myself.

Lord as I embark on whatever You have ahead of me.
I only ask that You would teach me to trust You more,
To have faith and all that You are,
To be obedient and sensitive to You.
and love You as the first day I responded to Your call.

IQ ~

2005-06-23T22:25:00.000+08:00

Your IQ Is 120

Your Logical Intelligence is Genius
Your Verbal Intelligence is Above Average
Your Mathematical Intelligence is Genius
Your General Knowledge is Above Average

A Quick and Dirty IQ Test

bleh~

2005-06-23T20:23:00.000+08:00

Gotten this quiz on friendster.

Name 20 friends, in no order!

*errr, lets be random, simply one >.<*

1) Joanne Soo
2) Daniel Ding
3) Baldwin Chua
4) Kah Ling
5) Mei Ling
6) Syen
7) Joshua Ong
8) Wendy Lee
9) Ong Kay Jin
10) Joan-Lynn
11) Benjamin Ong
12) Dewgem Yen
13) Janice
14) Jonathan Chu
15) Charles
16) Kevin Lee
17) Whye Mun
18) Lilian
19) Leonard Chua
20) Melvyn Ng

*lets try this out*

A.Who is #8 going out with?
Wendy Lee?? Errr I shall try to find out when I'm in Ipoh.

B.Is #9 a boy or a girl?
Jin? half guy whole donkey... kakaka

C.Would #11 and #2 make a cute couple?
Ben and Dewgem? I donno... I don't think they know each other... *shrugs*

D.How about #18 and #4?
Lingy and Lilian? Yup, sisters are always the best of friends.

E.What grade is #17 in?
Whye Mun? Collage

F.When was the last time you talked to #12?
Dewgem? oooo, 22nd June. The day Uni results are SUPPOSED to be out!!

G.What is #6's favorite band?
Syen? I know, I know... Simple Plan!!

H.Does #1 have any siblings?
Jo? yup yup, one brother.

I.Would you ever date #3?
Baldwin!?!? Errrrr... haha

J.Would you ever date #7?
Joshua?!?! Errrrr... haha

K.Is #16 single?
Kevin? Nopezz

L.What's #15's last name?
Charles? Wong

M.What's #5's middle name?
Mei Ling? Mei

N.What's #10's fantasy?
Joan Lynn? To finish SPM!!!

O.Would #14 and #19 make a good couple?
Jon and Leonard? hahahaha

P.What school does #20 go to?
Melvyn? HELP

Q.Tell me a random fact about #11?
Ben? He calls himself a lamer.

R.And #1
Jo?She's my darling niece!!

S.And #3
Baldwin has a piano named after him... haha

T.And #2
Ding? hmmm

U.Have you ever had a crush on #16?
KEVIN LEE??
haha
hahaha
hahahaha
hahahahaha
hahahahahaha
-enuff said

V.Where does #9 live?
HAHAHAHAAHAHAH *rolls on the floor*
Jin, you just can't escape this question... kakakakak
Now in UK.

W.What's #4's favorite color?
Lingy? Green!!

X.Would you makeout with #3?
*rolls eyes* errr

Y.Are #5 & #6 best friends?
Syen and Mei Ling? I don't think they know each other well.

Z.Does #8 like #19?
Wendy likes Leonard??? Thats new.... I donno... haha

a.Does #10 have any pets?
Joan?Don think so

b.Is #12 older than you?
yup yup Dewgem is a few months older. *nods*

c.Give #13 a hug?
Janice? Of cuz. *HugZzzzzzzzzzzzzzz*

d.Is #17 the sexiest person alive?
Whye Mun?!?!!? I donno. >.<

big grin

2005-06-22T23:57:00.000+08:00

Mission Plan 1!!!

Location : Ipoh, Perak
Duration : 24 June 2005 - 28 June 2005
Fellow partner : Lim Ee Syen

Mission : To infiltrate Ipoh (Daniel Ding's house in particular) , eat all the good food, visit all the cool places, see all the cool people (yes, if you're in Ipoh, ring me - 012-6679171).

Base : Wendy Yau Wei's house
Fellow mission coordinator : Daniel Ding
Weapons of mass destruction: errr, Syen?? *runs and hide* >.<

*more to come, keep ur eyes peeled*

Father

2005-06-22T22:49:00.000+08:00

Always-Hillsongs

Did You rise the sun for me?
Or paint a million stars
that I might know Your majesty

Is you voice upon the wind
Is everything I've known
marked with my Maker's finger prints?

Breath on me
Let me see, Your face
Ever I will seek You.

Cause all You are
Is all I want
Always
Draw me close in Your arms
oh God, I wanna be with be with You.

Can I feel You in the rain
Abandoned all I am
to have You capture me again?

Let the earth resound with praise
Can You hear as all creation
lives to glorify one Name

*jottings*
Abba, this father's day I just don't know how to express my thanks and praises to You. It just amazes me time and time again that You sweep me off my feet with Your love.
Whenever I draw close to You, You are there and You take me closer and closer to You.
It's so wonderful, Lord, Your word. The thing that is stronger than any rock. The promises and words of care that I can hold on to.

It's really all I ever wanted and needed. You and You alone.

thank You so so much for all that You are.

-untitled-

2005-06-19T10:06:00.001+08:00

I need You Jesus to come to my rescue, where else can I go?

Abba,

How many times will I willingly shatter Your heart?
I don’t know Lord.
Am I still worthy of Your grace?
Your Word says that I am… thank You Lord, for always being faithful.
You know I can’t do this alone, with my own strength.
My strength is feeble, and my mind is weak.

I need You Lord, Your grace, Your strength.I am humbled.
Teach me, I don’t want to take You for granted.
Lord, I know that at this stage I have to face it alone with You.
I know that Lord, You are waiting me to take hold Your hand,
No one else can do that for me.
But Lord, the last few steps seems so difficult and I feel so tired.

But I know Lord Jesus,
that You are waiting for me and Your hands are stretched out.
The obstacles will crumble at the sound of Your name.
Do not let my faith in You waver.
Do not let me lose sight of You.

This world had nothing for me, I will follow You.

You came

2005-06-17T12:54:00.000+08:00

You saw me
As tears dripped down my chin
As my soul yearns for a touch from You
My hands stretched out,
Hands dirty with my works of sin.
Heart wounded and trampled on.

You heard me
As my mouth cried out my sorrow
sorrow for forsaking You one again
sorrow for turning my face from You.
sorrow from my doings
that caused me to stray from You.
You heard my cry of repentance.

And yet
A broken and contrite heart, You will not despise.

You came
You still came for me.
I choked out my regret
As Your hand came and gently lifted me up.
and healed me with Your grace and compassion.
I saw my tears in Your eyes, Jesus.

You knelt beside me
as I crawled into Your embrace
As surely as You have always done
You love and mercy engulfed me
Love that I can never fathom
Grace that I can never earn.

You held my hand
as You lead me
to greater heights in You.
As I walk with you,
the steep slopes becomes even.
and Your joy and peace overflow in me.

You came for me
from Your throne in heaven
to the cross on earth
to the pits of hell,
To redeem me.
To love me.

I am captured by all that You are.
Nothing else matters anymore.
My Jesus.

*jottings*
Listening to : Rescue - Desperation Band

Dedicated to Jin kor.
Thanks for just being who you are.

LA camp

2005-06-17T00:34:00.000+08:00

well, LA camp was a blast! thanks Jon for inviting me... hehe hope I din spoil your repo too much :P:P:P

interesting things that I noticed during camp

1) attendance taker - Kevin Lee

now this super skinny guy takes our attendance wherever we go, in the bus, on the campsite... everywhere you'll see him checking for attendance.

a drummer and also fiddles with the guitar...
And guess what a small world it was when Kevin knew Kay Jin!!!!
I nearly topple of the bench when I found out... according to Kevin, he is Jin's greatest yum cha nite mare... hehe

A cool guy all on fire from God... benefited alot from listening to his sharing and experience in the YM... thanks for the exposure!! :D

black magic in action.

2) The master bullyer - Benjamin Ong
Now this guy is freaky... by the way he just vomitted all over me on MSN!! O.o
haih poor me, another person that bullies me :(

Look at the cweepy shadow... is it a ghost? is it a camera tech prob??
Noooo!! it's Ben!!! RUN while you still can!

Benjamin and Kelvin bullying a lil kid... tsk tsk tsk...

Introducer of the butter dance. Count yourself lucky if you never heard of it before.

On a better note, Ben is a real annointed worship leader and he's passion and zeal for God is fasinating. Learned so much on his work shop abt worship.

3) The horror bathing experience.

If you were to ever set foot in PD, BEWARE!
Do not enter this bathing cubicle to bathe... if not...
You'll regret it, for as long as you LIVE!!
Muahahahahahahahahahah.... Be very very afraid

*I see my fellow blog readers sweating now*

This was what happened on that fateful day.
After a fun time being soaked in seawater and filled with sand... all of us lined up, as the obedient children we are to bathe.

Finally my time arrived as I proceeded into the bathing cubicle... happily I began my regular bathing "ritual" I was satisfied after performing the "bubble soapification" with soap all over me and my face (which is also a part of me, if you're wondering) then,
lo and behold!!

THE WATER SUPPLY STOPPED!!!

ARGGGGHHHHHHHHHH.

and so, as a good civilized citizen, I calmed my soapy self down and reasoned to my self that the water will be back in a few minutes.

Well, the "few" minutes became 30 excrutiating, agonizing minutes.
STUCK in the cubicle!

try to imagine this, you watch hopelessly as the bubbles on your hand disintegrate... as you start to sweat...
You feel all slimy all over.

Then... HAH... the soap dried... leaving you with a totally "exotic smell" plus the stickyness.
A fusion of bathing gel, soured facial cleanser, sea water, and sweat!!
not to mention a dash of sand for the extra umph!
Sure to give your senses a 'refreshing' boost!

Sigh... what a night mare.

and you know whats even more pathetic?
check out the water tank...

4) My hubby

I found my self so attach to my hubby... he even watches over me when I sleep... yes... and my hubby looks like this...

Yes... thats my hubby... I know my hubby is not exactly good looking, but having him around expecially during the HOT weather in PD is a bliss~

5) Wings

It rained at the first night... the next morning the ground was filled with tiny insect wings everywhere!!

6) Jonathan Chu
Just love taking candid shots of Jon... hahha

Lynette and Jon

Jon on keyboards

Jon promoting olympus camera... -__-""

Comment by Syen :
[ ◦ • § ў έ ŋ • ◦ ] - bleach 36 finaly out by lunar..sigh says:
waaa...scary...*shudders* *rolls eyes*
[ ◦ • § ў έ ŋ • ◦ ] - bleach 36 finaly out by lunar..sigh says:
he wanna whack ppl wif his precious cam zit?

Jon day dreaming

actually still got one... but I wanna keep some to black mail Jon... ekekkekeke...

One amazing thing I saw in Jon during camp is his enthusiasm and amazing leadership skills!! He managed to dig out the see ham-ness in all of us.

7) random pics

This pastor is a witty and down right funny person... has a real passion for the younger youths. Blessed tremendously by him...
Btw, he knows Jin too.... yeah, my kor is famous!!

Joshua, Mei Ling and me

Soo Sien, Melissa and I

Makan time!!

the important ppl adjusting the camera for group pic

contact me for any pics that you want in my camera... to those who have the gp pics or any other pic than here... ME WANT!!!!

Note: many pics are reserved for black mailing purposes.... kekeke

Undeserved acquittal

2005-06-16T03:40:00.000+08:00

Michael and Me
by John Fischer

I picked up my newspaper this morning and saw the headlines: “Jackson Acquitted on All 10 Counts,” and my immediate thought had nothing to do with Michael Jackson. Instead, for some reason I saw my name there. I saw the headline: “Fischer Acquitted on All Counts.” And here’s the deal: I know I’m guilty.

That’s the big difference between Michael and me. MJ will most likely now appear exonerated. I’m sure statements along the lines of justice being done will be prevalent from his camp. My acquittal is much different. I don’t want the subject of justice to even come up. Justice will not be in my best interest primarily because I know I’m guilty.
My acquittal has little to do with fame, race, or any of the issues we will be hearing about in the next few days. My acquittal has everything to do with mercy. It was all the judge’s doing. I’m still pretty much baffled by the whole thing, to be honest. I didn’t even request it. He acquitted me because he convicted His Son in my place. And since justice was already done on the cross, I can now go free. Like Michael Jackson.

Every day we get to breathe is another day we don’t deserve. Grace is getting what we don’t deserve; mercy is not getting what we do deserve, and the incredible thing is: we get both. This is not only an important element to our relationship with God (we wouldn’t have one without this); it’s also an important part of our message to the world.

A big part of our mission in the world is to announce God’s mercy, along with an acute awareness of our own guilty verdict. Without both sides of this story, people quickly get the wrong idea about Christians — that they are people who are better than everyone else, or at least they think they are. We would do well never to talk about justice being done without accompanying statements of gratitude for our own undeserved acquittal.

This is why I do not want to look at the headlines about Michael Jackson and shake my head. Instead, I let out a sigh of relief, because that’s me, too, in that picture. That’s me, acquitted of my real guilt — an acquittal that makes me the most fortunate good-for-nothing on the face of the earth. And it’s the gospel that propels me to tell this story to everyone I meet, because, in reality, the world is merely full of other good-for-nothings like me for whom Christ died. The only real difference is who knows it, and who doesn’t.

-- Was talking to Ding about the trial of MJ and realize how true the devotional is, hope it blessed you... may we all remember that because of His great love, He redeemed us and make us NOT GUILTY. Thats why it's always worth sharing His love, grace and mercy to the world.

Be blessed :)

1000th HIT!!

2005-06-16T02:27:00.000+08:00

Jumping to: Open up the gates -- Planet Shakers!!

Wheeeee... my 2nd 1000th hit was Syen... haha...
I came to my blog today and it was 999 then I quickly ping Syen and Ding on MSN to hit my blog...

Ding slow reaction and Syen got the 1000th hit... ekekeke... girls RULEZZZ :P

--- originally pic was here, but was too small to see the no 1000 :P---

Went to 1U today with Shok Chan, Li Wei and Yee Fun, catched a movie and went shopping... so freakin hard to get pants that fit... ppl nowadays just don't appreciate girls with big hips... hahaha *looks innocent*

Managed to get a few tops tho... niceee... I love new clothes.

Shok Chan and Yee Fun got me a belated Birthday present.... I real awesome bottle of Oceanus body mist by Body Shop!!
plus souvenirs from Yee Fun who came back from Australia... real cool bag!!
and a nice angel pewter figire from Shok Chan who came back from UK. :D

Thanks dearies... I feel so pampered!!

So urm... *hint hint* to those who are on vacation remember to get me something!! *wink wink*:P:P

I need to blog about camp but I'm so lazy to upload pics and resizing it... but I'm working on it~

Ne ways... just happily ranting here... wanna sleep now... take care ppl!! *hugs*

Take me

2005-06-14T00:03:00.000+08:00

I choose you.

Before I created the world and laid it's foundation, I choose you.
When you were in your mothers's womb, I choose you.
When you face rejection, I choose you.
When you were in pain, I choose you.
When you were in the depths of sin, still I choose you.

When I had to come down for you, I remember that I want you.
When I had to endure the agony of taking the weight of the world,
I was thinking of you, you who had no hope.
You who needed me.

I laid my hands on you, because I choose you
I made sure that you know that I love you, I choose you
When you gave your life to me, I was delighted beyond description.
You are so precious to me.

I will guide and protect you and nothing shall harm you.
Because you are my beloved. I choose you.
I am in you, and I have overcome the world.
Fear not and be bold.

Cast your cares and burden on me, because I care for you so much.
take my hand, I want to show you great things I have for you.
I want to show you how much I love you.
I want to use you for my purpose and glory.

I want to turn your tears into laughter.
I Want to heal you and make you whole.
I want to keep you by myside.
I want to love you more and more.

I want to give you more that you can ask for
Just give me your hand and trust me.
Abide in me, as I abide in our Father.
Because I love you,
thats why I choose you.

*jottings*
Eph 1:4-10

For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will— to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves. In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace that he lavished on us with all wisdom and understanding.And he made known to us the mystery of his will according to his good pleasure, which he purposed in Christ, to be put into effect when the times will have reached their fulfillment—to bring all things in heaven and on earth together under one head, even Christ.

When you stand there and wondering whether God has anything for you,
wondering whether God wants to touch you today.
Do not fear or doubt.

It is God's will to choose and adopt us as His children, redeeming us, and lavishing us with His grace.
It is God's will to love you, you just need to open and recieve.

You are His chosen one.
He wants to show you His love every single day.

********************************
I realize that God has been pouring out His love to me I just don't have enough time to enjoy and respond to it and blog about it at the same time.

God's whispered love spoke into my heart, I only expected to be helping out at Jon's camp, interceding for them. I was there and saw the amazing presence of God flood the place, I stood by a broken soul, I told God to love her, I told God that He had to move.
I saw the brokeness.
I saw what I was before Jesus came in and gave me His love.

I stared at a little boy being prayed for, the loving figure of Jesus came to me, tears dripped as He told me that it was the way He prayed for me.
He would come and lay His hands on my head and lovingly gave me His peace and love.

"You were broken so that you can be used, remember I will never stop loving you."

before I could respond,
God spoke thro a sister.
"I love you, my child, so much more than you will ever understand. I love you so so much. I will place in you my aroma so that your foot steps will bring not just the gospel, but more importantly the love I have for my people. And it will spread, as I give you the burden. But my love in you will never ever run dry anymore."

****************************
Sunday, the speaker in church spoke powerfully about growth and how do we grow correctly in the living water.

Ephesians 4:15
Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ.

Once again God reminded me that the in order to grow, instead of just relying on others around me, I must be rooted and grounded in His love for me, and I will have to hang on frimly to my identity as His child. Hang on to His words.
and His love for me will always be the greatest stimulant for growth!!

At the end, the pastor ministered to us, I stood there cathing and covering ppl.
I remember a great number of people responded to the altar call. I was filled with such great peace and joy as i see my brothers and sisters getting a fresh touch from God.

God told me that everyday as I commune with Him, He will touch me afresh, He wants to give me so much.

The speaker spoke this over me
" You are a very special one to God, He values you alot and whenever you pray, things happen. Because you are made righteous through Christ. God wants to show you things to pray and it's not just praying in tongues but also praying into higher grounds and pray to prophecy, God will show you the things in His heart and He wants you to just come and love Him, as He leads you to pray."

Thank You Lord...
I just want to love You, with everything I have.
I just want to give my all to You.

Lord I know that whatever You call me to, You will provide and Lord I don't want to worry.
Father, teach me to truly put you first in everysingle thing I do in my life.

With Your love and grace, I have more than sufficient...

Heal the Nation

2005-06-08T04:22:00.000+08:00

Ever realized that I'm kinda behind my bloggin? heh...
too many good things to be missed out :P
Oh-well, maybe I'm just plain lazy *innocent look*

Heal the Nation was definately a great event, gathering with friends aside, I never expected it to be such an amazing experience to be together, one in the Love of Christ.

The deja-vu feeling returned when I sat at the same row at GTPJ, I remembered that it was this very same place that God brought me to my knees and gave me His love and grace to forgive my parents. He healed me and broke that bondage. It was 10 months ago.

It would have been really encouraging if I can tell you that our relationship improved, it would have been a great testimony. But things are not.

Sometimes I felt that because I am a Christian, I'm no longer considered a part of the family. It still hurts to be called names and be jeered at, to be different from the rest and attracting all the unnessary attention.

I never would have and could have carried on if it weren't for Christ who told me that my burdens can be cast on His shoulders for He will carry them for me, then His grace will be sufficent for me to forgive and love my family.

It really breaks my heart when I see them turning from Christ, sometimes I feel hopeless, and there's where I need to learn to trust God more, and to stand firm on His word, that is one in the household is saved, the rest will be.

Acts 16:31
So they said, "Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and you will be saved, you and your household."

Let my life be a testimony to them and may God save them in His own way, as I have released them by faith into my Heavenly Father's hand for Him to care.

I stood, simply enjoying God's presence, and worshipping Him.
Truly it's amazing to be able to enjoy and commune with God everyday and everywhere! =) =)

"These burdens aren't for you to carry"

So many times Jesus would come whisper into my heart and start lifting the many things that I have both knowingly and unknowingly carried.

Our Lord Jesus is just so awesome, He heals us, He cries with us, He jumps with us, He rejoices with us, He cares for us so intimately, and above all, He love us just the way we are.

I knelt, I cried out all my fears, my rejection, my pain, my insecurities, my lifestyle, things that I have allowed to creep into my soul, I cried for grieving God's heart so many times, breaking His heart, playing with His grace.

As the blood of Christ cleansed me and sets me free again, I realized that in order to walk eachday with Christ, I need to renew my self with Him everyday.

I understood that it is not only during certian times when I need Him then only shall I reach out to Him, but to continually long and want Him.

A continous learning path to learn to rely on Him, to trust Him, to obey Him, to let myself die so that I can carry His aroma, to take up the cross and follow Him, to love Him, to take His hand and walk my life with Him, to make Him my one and only.

To be with Him always.
I was made for Him. To love Him.

At the very end, we grab hold of each other and prayed for one another.
It was the best part, to impart what God just blessed you with to another brother or sister. =)

1 Corinthians 12:13, 25-27
13For we were all baptized by one Spirit into one body—whether Jews or Greeks, slave or free—and we were all given the one Spirit to drink.
25so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other. If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it. Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it.

-To The many angels in my life whom help me moved on, teached me to take a step of faith with God, strengthen me in His word, catalyst my growth in Chirst, or

just by simply showing a gesture of love and kindness to me, an arm across the shoulder, a tissue, a hug, a hand to hold, kind words, a smile.-

*You know who you are*

I thank God for each and everyone of you, couldn't thank you enough too. ;)

Know that I am so blessed simply by your presence in my life, couldn't wait to spend eternity in heaven with you!

Love you guys so so much.

HTN pic... =)

2005-06-08T04:20:00.000+08:00

Group Pic... YA forummers, you guys ROCK!! *seat beneath blog reader trembles*

Top: Gary, Leonard, Whye Mun, *hehe,I forgotten him, but I know he's from COP*, me
Bottom: Joshua Ong, Daniel Ding, Wing Yin, Helen, Syen, Wendy.

Whye Mun and Deva... Deva is a real joker man... Ding's underground *maybe not so* lover.
Check ouy Whye Mun's LOA (lack of attention) shirt...

Joshua and Devaraj

Joey and Syen...

Gary and Joey... Long lost poser soul mates!

Joay and me!!

Wendy, Whye Mun, Devaraj, Miki... I love this pic

Syen and me... me like this pic, me like

At McD
Deva is so famous that he can't even eat without ppl wanting to take pics with him.

Gary, Josh, Deva, Daniel... hmmm looks like a McD advert, if you ask me...
promoting extra large cokes. :P

Just looking at the pics make me miss you guys so much!! Take care ya...

Youth Sunday

2005-06-06T11:40:00.000+08:00

Finally, the long awaited post about the youth sunday... haha

I know it's been more than a month >.<
excuse the slow progress.

Preparing for the Youth Sunday proves to be another challenging feat. Working with others was tough, and many times I wanted to give up. but God's hand with held me and healed the many wounds his words has indirectly caused...

God is so good that he even gave me his love to forgive... God helped me applied what I learned in DLS... In every envy and strife... there's confusion and every evil deed. James 3:16 God taught me to forgive instantly and took away the feelings of hurt, resentment and rejection. :D

And with God's strength on me, I can do all things *grins*

Youth Sunday came and for the very first time I worshipped God on stage in my church... while I was standing there, I just couldnt help but be amazed by the transforming power of God in my life... to imagine a year ago I was spiritually blind, suffering from eating disorder suffering from bouts of depression because of BGR.

God took it all thro the year and changed me, from the inside.
He took away the hurt, the rejection and gave me so much love and joy that I could never imagine existed in my being... the genuine joy and hope of a life forever with Him.

Standing on the stage I remembered for me to be there Christ had to pay the price, I couldn't love God enough for what He's done in my life...as my past flashed by I remembered
the many times when God let me thro the valleys,
the many times He spoke into my heart and told me that I am special to Him,
the many times God sent His people into mylife to give me that dose of encouragement to carry on.

God is so Good to me =)

The day before the youth sunday we had a saree tying class... muahahahahaha...

Olivia and Fred trying the saree on me

Later while waiting for the other ppl to appear... Melvyn and I had a photo shooting session... heh... many pics la... but I don really think that you're a fan of his *gets ready to be filled with his prasaness..*
Just a few

Olivia and Mel

On that day... Check out the costumes... we are suppose to be be in traditional wear
Priscillia and Mel

Sandra conducting an ice breaker

Me worship leading for the first time in a saree... haha

My back-ups, Vivienne and Olivia... Melvyn is my co-Worship leader... he really helped me alot with the musicians *me being a person with zero music knowledge* despite his busy college schedule... appreciated it alot.

Jailie and Priscillia on guitars

The youths performing our theme song -Reconnect-

Sandra Kee with the keys ;)

Pastor Sandra Chin, from AYA delivering a strong massage about reconnecting ourselves with God before we seek to reconnect others to Him.
We must get plugged into the Source ;)

Olivia and me in our Sarees :)

Erm, Olivia feeding Melvyn KFC...

************************************************

Parents weren't at home that day, so went to the Heal The Nation Concert at GTPJ with Jon, met with Ding and Gary and a bunch of COP ppl at Mid Valley... Gary has, how should I say, an eccentric personality ;)

Saw Jo, Syen, Whye Mun, Baldwin, Leonard, Wendy and a bunch of YA ppl!!
Too bad I din get to take pics of em.

Here is what I took at GTPJ.... nyek nyek.
Cool Lights!!

The night was fantastic, with artist from Oops Asia like Juwita Suwito, Altered Frequency (wheeee) and Patrick Leong performing.

Managed to grab my self a copy of the thro the rain CD on the way back too.

A tribute to my gwanpa.

2005-06-06T03:24:00.000+08:00

*Disclaimer: Owner of this blog is not to be held liable to any mishaps occured when below pics are viewed. Viewer's discretion is strongly advised.*

No animals are harmed in the production of this entry.

A long long time ago
For a reason long forgotten
I've gotten myself a gwanpa.

>.<

My gwanpa is so good-looking
that I have had strangers asking for his photos
Check him out. What say you?

Ya, I know, it runs in the family =P

He has great fashion sense too!
This is his personal favourite

and a great hairstyle too!!

Needless, displaying pictures of my gwanpa became a trend on MSN
You see his picture on almost very one's display pic.
Mine included... because the saying goes, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em

As my gwanpa is well known for his adventurous personality
despite his old-age, he still insist on bungee jumping.

and pouts like a little child when he can't get his way.
but some lollies can sattle that mouth.

My gwanpa is very protective of me, I pwomise to be good when he's away so I'm writing good stuff bout him.

My gwanpa adores starwars, all though I don share similar interest
I find his dark-vader scream behind the mask positively scary!!

Don believe that my gwanpa can be scary??
Check this out

Because of all the good and attractive qualities that my gwanpa has, I know you ladies wanna be my gwanma, but gwanpa is already taken, infact, he is passionately in love with his high school sweet hearts.
I'm sorry to break your heart... but they're beauties... I heard he's bringing one back from the far far away land that he is in now, where he is fighthing as a brave worrior

My gwanpa occationally flirts as well... but my gwanmas are ok with it.

My gwanpa has a soft side, this is exclusive and not know to many.

thats all about my gwanpa, I'm sure he'll be very happy I wrote about him today!!
I am so proud of my gwanpa and I love him very much!!

=P

*Disclaimer: Author of this entry is strictly sane but just occationally slips into hyper modes, and gotten herself inspired by the pics and conversation she had with Syen and Daniel Ding*

Longing

2005-06-03T06:14:00.000+08:00

I long to sing to You
I long to praise You
I long to be cleansed by You
I long to touch You
I long to be used by You
I long to be free in You
I long to let go of my past to You
I long to trust You more
I long to make You smile and be delighted in me.
I long to rest in Your arms
I long to keep You my refuge
I long to have my eyes on You alone
I long to live for You
I long to touch lives for You
I long to be changed for Your glory
I long to be pure inside and out for You.
I long to breath in Your presence.
I long to sit at Your feet.
I long to be able to see in Your eyes.
I long to be loved by You
I long to be able to say I only love You alone.

I long to thank You, My Savior,
for all You have given me.
for all You've done in me.
That my thirst and longing is quench by Your Living Water.

I long for You alone to satisfy me.

I long for You,
Christ Jesus.
My Life, My Passion, My All.

Detoxication

2005-06-01T23:40:00.000+08:00

I remember last Sunday.
I remember the pangs of hurt.
I remember you.

Oh well, I'd never thought I'd blog about this, at least not here, I know you drop by, I know you read my blog.
Or should I rephrase that sentences to past tense *shrugs* I don't know whether you do anymore.

I remember the sms where you sent be about once being good friends, maybe I am oversensitively-passimistic... I focussed on the "once" and it was in past tense. Are we still friends? I don't know anymore.

When I found out you blocked me I never thought it would hurt me so much.
I suspected it all along.
but it didn't prepare me from hearing the reality.
That night I cried myself to sleep, it's the first time since I broke up I cried because of a guy.

I realized I picked up so many habits from you it really freaks me out at times. So many things I do are laced with you, your words, your way of talking, your style, your jokes, your sarcastism, you, you, you.

Thats why I'm writing this.
Thats why I wanna put everything out in the open.

I don't really care whether you read this and realize thats it's you I'm talking about.
I wouldn't have cared anymore.
I don't care either if someone from our church reads this and decided to tell the world.
Let them tell.

I wanna put this out, so that it gets open, wounds need to be left out in the open to be healed faster.
I wanna write everything out.
So that I can get rid of you, so that you'll be completely out of my system.
So that I can *points title* detoxify myself.
and move on.
__________________________________________________________________
That Sunday, I was doing the transparency for you, as you sang, I just couldn't help it.
I cannot believe myself that I allowed you distract me again from focussing on God.
Unbelievable, you are just like an addiction that I can't seem to kick.

I remember looking down at the OHP.

"I missed you"

"what??"

-and to commune with You in this holy place
and to sit at Your feet just loving You.-

As the song continued, I could feel the sudden longing for God, it's like a wave that rushed thro me, I felt the urge to just reach out and touch Jesus, but when I did I realized that I have grieved Him.

I felt His sadness for me.

I broke-down.

I knew, just then that I had to let you go.

-I worship You,
I worship You
The reason I live,
is to worship you -

The reason I am created on the face of this earth is to worship God in spirit and in truth, thro my actions.
I had to let you go.

I cried even harder. Letting you go was so hard, so painful, so impossible.

I could just mouth a "help me" to God, I can't remove you myself.

I need God.

I came home and talked to Jo about the things you put me thro, I'm not blaming you. How could I?

God have blessed me so much thro you.

But it's time.

I found your name on my, list.
It was in red. as usual.

*sad smile*

I deleted you, to save myself the torment of hoping that you would unblock me.

I am set free, cuz I wanna love God with all I have, I cannot be tied down by you. =)

I know that thro time, my wounds will heal after I let you go.
When I gave you 100% to God.
My feelings for you will fade.

Though I still cry and I still get hurt by you.

But I know I will live it through.

As my poem "into dust" says.

I thank you for once being an important part of my life.

Good Bye.
________________________________________________________
Thank You Lord, that You have helped me so much and will continue to help me trust You..

In Awe

2005-06-01T08:32:00.000+08:00

Dear Heavenly Father

I come boldly onto Your throne of grace this morning, I thank You Lord, that You have given me breath and life today :) it's so amazing Lord, to wake up eachday and know that I am so deeply loved by You. I know that there are lessons to learn, paths to be taken, trails to be overcomed, but I can trust in Your guidance, I can trust in You.

I thank You Lord. that Your Love cast out all the fear, pain, rejection, self-pity, cares and doubts in me. Lord that I can give You my burdens and be liberated. I thank You Lord that I am free, so free in You.

Never have I thought or would I know that I could be accepted, never have I tasted true love until Your love found me in the dark, where You rescued me from the deepest pit of my life.

You came for me, what more can I do than to respond to Your love?

You Lord, so worthy to be praised,
You Lord, the king that reigns in my heart!

Help me learn to love You more.

Normalcy again

2005-05-31T00:25:00.000+08:00

Funny how being with great friends help you somehow find the next day filled with hope.

Went to Mid Valley to hook up with Daniel Ding, Whye Mun, Syen, Vicky, Jon and Wendy.

When meeting up with YA ppl,
1) Make sure you have a strong stomach, the topics that arises might be a tad bit stomach turning...

2) A strong heart... hooking up with us may mean having a date with a

A girl that have weirdest interest in undergarments? *seem to be related to the new American Idol, Carrie Underwood*
Guy that wonders around with a sole mission to shop but ends up buying nothing
Muscley Doctor that uses hammer, spanar and whatnots on his patients, and occationally sits at a corner crying. :S.
A squeeky kid girl that adores Madagascar, and all the animals in it. Not to mention Barney the purple Dino too :S
A-lonely looking-blury-perasan-sad-quiet boy *pls don ask me how these things can came together*
A girl that treatens you with her long fringe as the infamous "the ring"
and weirdly, a normal girl amongst us...

#Names have been excluded due to the potential danger of fellow blogger's life.

3) strong legs... to endure endless walking and walking and walking....

4) endless saliva supply... to be able to do endless yakking

5) lotsa lollies, one of us might cry. =P

but it was so so fun, we went around all the shops window shopping... haha...

We did prepared a lil something for Jo, something special for her.
With a gift and a nice card from Jon... I tell u, Jon is such an artist.
Never knew that Ding could tie such nice knots... *pls don get no weird ideas*
Now I so so wished I brought my digicam to show it to you*sniff*

It's been such a long time since I felt normal again.
I guess since I was so consumed by 'him'.
I let 'him' dominate my feelings, my toughts, my emotions, my tears, my laughter.

I lost track of the things that really matters.
the friends that God have so graciously blessed me with, things that I have side tracked.
times where we just sat and laugh and simply enjoy the presence of friends.

I'm sure it's time to let go and move on. As much as it hurts.

I really thank God for each and everyone of you. *hugs* that you somehow made me see that I can carry on without 'him'.
I still can be myself, that no part of me is gone when he is gone.

Thank you all for once again making me normal *grins* love you all so very much!! =)

This is for you! :D

The greatest love

2005-05-30T11:10:00.000+08:00

With every great love comes a great story.

I Thank You that mine is already written in Your word.
It's written in the way You created and choose me.
It's written in the way You formed the world.
It's written in the things that You plan in my life.
It's written in the way You care about the small things.
For the greatest love I have is in You, Christ Jesus

My greatest love story.

.

Into Dust

2005-05-30T00:50:00.000+08:00

If retrieving what we once had is so difficult
Then let it just fade away
Like dust and sand
in the cold winter breeze.

Do not linger
And give me any hope
Not even a glimmer of it
for I fear I can't let go.

I cannot say I won't cry
for you anymore
When you pushed me out of your life.

But I can say that I am moving on
And I thank you for once bringing me joy
I guess our journey ends here.

Good Bye.

*jottings*
I need a hug. A sincere one.

The Healer's Touch

2005-05-27T09:11:00.000+08:00

Jesus began to be deeply distressed and troubled, He said to them "My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death -- Mark 14:33-34 [part]

In the garden, You sang what was mine,
a song of pain
a song of sadness
a song of fear
a song of dejection

In that garden, on Your shoulders
You took up my sin
You took up my shame
You took up my yoke
You took up the weight of the world.

In that garden, You wept
tears of anguish
tears of betrayal
tears of sorrow
you cried my tears

In that garden, I was on Your mind
I was in Your thoughts
You knew that I needed You
You knew that You had to suffer then,
So that You can come to me now.

All this is from God, who reconciled us to Himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to Himself in Christ, not counting men's sins against them. And He has committed to us the message of reconciliation. -- 2 Corinthians 5:18-19

As I come into this garden
I knelt at the very place
where droplets of blood
flowed from Your brow.
I cried from the depths of my heart for You.

You came,
You knelt beside me,
You put Your hand on
where it hurts the most,
You healed my heart.

Come to me, all of you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest -- Matthew 11:28

I gaze upon Your eyes
and I saw my tears
I saw that You understand
I saw that You died loving me.
I saw such great love in You for me.

Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls, For my yoke is easy and my burden is light -- Matthew 11:29-30

Gently,You whispered into my heart
Your word brings me joy
and renewed me again.
I know I can face anything,
because I have You, You who cares.

Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. -- 1 Peter 5:7

You who care about me more than anything.

... Jesus was born in Bethlehem in Judea... -- Matthew 2:1
In Bethlehem,
You came from Your throne in heaven for me.

... Then all the disciples deserted Him and fled. -- Matthew 26:56
In Gethsemane,
Where You were betrayed by those whom You love,

with a loud cry, Jesus breathed His last. -- Mark 15:37
On Calvary,
where You took my sins from me.

He is not here, he has risen!... -- Luke 24:6
In the tomb,
where You rose again to meet me.

In heaven,
where You promised me that I will cry no more.

In my heart,
which is mended and cleansed
with Your blood.

You, Jesus Christ
In awe of Your love for me,
I give my all to You.

But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. -- Romans 5:8

Quizzzz

2005-05-27T08:21:00.000+08:00

Induced by Bryan and Kah Ling... here I am...

Three names you go by:
Suit Lin
Lee Suit Lin
Sweety Pottz... only selected ppl are allowed to call me that :P

Three screen names you've used:
Suit Lin |... (... is whatever that suits the mood)
suitlin (I use this whenever I can't use space in a user name)

freespiritteen... (my email, who cares whether I'ma teen or not *rolls eyes*)

Three physical things you like about yourself:
My hair
My lips
My hands

Three physical things you don't like about yourself:
urm urm urm

donno... hahhahaha

I like me la... can't I be satisfied with me?

Three parts of your heritage:
Chinese
Cina
Hua ren... wheeeeeee

Three things that frightens you:
er, er,er

a loved one dying
hurts
rejection

Three things you are wearing right now:
Glasses

T-shirt

hair band

Three of your favourite bands or musical artist:
aww... this is tough
Josh Groban
Hillsongs
Christina Aguilera

Three favourite songs:
Beautiful - Christina Aguilera
You raised me up - Josh Groban
Amazed - desperation

Three things you want in a relationship:
God
Love
honesty

Two truths and a lie:
Pigs can't fly
clouds are made of sugar
I am so loved :)

Three physical traits that appeal to you in the opposite sex:
er... smile... haha I'm a sucker for guys with nice smiles

big warm hands =)
smileeee :P

Three of your favourite hobbies:
Reading

Writing

listening to music or ppl yakking
*yeah... I know it sounds like MUET/ TEOFL/ IELTS paper :P*

Three things you want to do really bad right now:
makan leh... LAPAR-ness from Kay Jin
ZZzzZZ... haha... spent alot of time with the template, now lack of zzz

grab a tissue and blow my stuffed, conjested nose.

*ahh better*

Three careers you are considering:
Teacher
Journalist/ writer

Lawyer

Three places where you want to have a vacation:

Disney land!!
India (I wanna see the Taj Mahal)
Europe.

Three kids name you like:

Angel
Faith (oh, I love this name)
Radiance (beautiful name)

Three things you want to do before you die:
Worship together with my family in church :)
Love those around me with all God gives to me :)

Have a family of my own?

Three ways you act like a boy:
huh?
I don think I act like a boy at all...you tell me...

Three celebrity crushes:

Orlando Bloom!!

hahahaha donno, Brad Pitt is cute
Hacken Lee!! Yeah!!

Three people who need to take this quiz now:
Syen
Jon Chu
Jo :)

go go go and take the quizz... =) *hugs*

Teachings from the great Master Jin

2005-05-24T19:50:00.000+08:00

Master Jin - me not lying on bed
Master Jin - me sitting on bed
Master Jin -with my work all over the bed
Suit Lin - sit on bed also can fall?
Master Jin - i lafff
Master Jin - then i can laff backwards
Master Jin - so you know la
Master Jin - momentum
Master Jin - if i move back too much
Master Jin - the whole body will follow backwards
Master Jin - unless i push a force strong enough inwards
Master Jin - i would fall backwards
Suit Lin - urm pardon me teacher
Suit Lin - but how do you push a force INWARDS?
Master Jin - erm
Master Jin - by farting?
Master Jin - nola!
Suit Lin - *cough*
Master Jin - i know
Master Jin - me fart is intoxicating
Suit Lin - how so intoxicating?
Master Jin - that i fart in uk can make you cough in malaysia

Let go.

2005-05-23T21:00:00.000+08:00

I closed my eyes, but not my heart.
So that you can slip thro my grasp.
but still hold a place in me.
Just go, so that I can grow.
Just go, so that I can heal.
Just go.

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free. *well, true to certain extend*

In love, you feel the most alive when everything is uncertain, one moment heaven... the next moment hell. *so NOT true, security is important in a relationship*

You'd like to your lover to think you are optimistic and happy. *doesn't everyone??*

You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic. *urm, ruthless, yes. Cold-blooded, of cuz. sarcastic, hmm, I find controlled sarcastic interesting, heh*

Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with. *definately*

Your risk of cheating is 100%. You are not suited for a monogamous relationship.*No comment :S*

You think of marriage something you've always wanted... though you haven't really thought about it.

In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted. *duh~*

*sniff*

am making many wantons now... hahaha

the thing about computers is that its gives you more trouble than conveniences... I think it applies to me haha, I know some of you disagree... hehe

Browser wont work just now but thanks to Daniel's help now I think I can get my IE back. I think

Havent been blogging much lately, hah, dont ask me why, I just feel weird.

unbloggable feelings eh?

*shrugs*

Letting go is tough. It is.

but I let go, because it is for the best :)

Come to think abt it I better get some zzz, love you..

Praise Him

2005-05-16T15:45:00.000+08:00

My soul sings

To my Lord, my savior.

The Lover of my soul

Who loved me so much

to become poor

to give Himself up.

To save me

Just to save me

from the very pits of the world

from the snares of the enemy

and took me patiently by the hand.

So that I can be all that I am in Him.

My savior

Whose patience and kindness exceeds anyone

In His eves I see compassion
I see acceptance and grace

I see His eternal true love for me.

That cleanses my heart, mind and soul.

Loving me powerfully, passionately and yet personally

Praise You Lord Jesus, for the many works of Your great hand!

Psalm 150
1 Praise the LORD! Praise God in his heavenly dwelling;

praise him in his mighty heaven!
2 Praise him for his mighty works;

praise his unequaled greatness!
3 Praise him with a blast of the trumpet;

praise him with the lyre and harp!
4 Praise him with the tambourine and dancing;

praise him with stringed instruments and flutes!
5 Praise him with a clash of cymbals;

praise him with loud clanging cymbals.
6 Let everything that lives sing praises to the LORD! Praise the LORD!

___________________________________________________

currently having my nose in : The Chronicles of Narnia by C.S. Lewis

I have spent a week starring at my blog whenever I come online and have no urge whatsoever to blog...

The week went by very quickly... and without me realizing it... been really taking time to sit close to God... I remember when I chatted with JJ and he reminded me that we only have one life time to serve God here...
One life time to show Him our love
One life time to testify to His name.
Only one life time... until we see Jesus.

Suddenly, it seems awfully short.

It's like wanting to do something really special for someone that you really really love but you seem to be running out of time.

Sitting at the feet of God's throne makes me learn alot... really began to appreciate and treasure the Holy Spirit that is in me, gently guiding me, and yet powerful enough to enable to do all things for Christ.

I want my heart to always be tender and receptive to God's teaching.

I serve Him by His grace!!

By the way, I'm still learning to love those with God's love in me... indeed I want to be rooted in Him.

Luke 4:10 (New Living Translation)

For the Scriptures say,
`He orders his angels to protect and guard you.

God will surely guard you, you whom He have fearfully and wonderfully made.
Be blessed and take care!

HAPPY BLESSED 21th Birthday Daniel Ding!!~
I'm sure God is smiling at you now... celebrating you!

Pride

2005-05-08T23:58:00.000+08:00

Had a conversation late last night to early this morning *heh* with a girl friend that knew me since even before I was a Christain it's been 7 yrs since we became friends... She is also a believer...

You know what shocked me is that the vast difference in what we believe in nowadays... which got me thinking... if we believe in the same God, why is there such difference?

Was talking to her about harnessing the power of the Holy Spirit in us and the ability to pray in tongues.
and she was very uncomfortable with it.

Well, I guess both of us where a tad bit too prideful when expressing our views, come to think of it I may have injured the friendship we share... shall apologize to her today.

God showed me that I had something called the 'self-righteous judge' inside of me.

I realize in one way or another just because people don't relate to God the way I do, I just label them as 'not close to God'... see? self-righteous judging...
Instead of treating my brothers and sisters with love, I tend to isolate myself from them...

And thats really bad cuz, as God says that the same standard we used to judge others... the same standard shall be used onto our selves... I pray that God will break the bondage of pride over me, and teach me how to humble my heart to be His servant... there is still so much more to learn. Let not pride be a hindrance in His work in me.

I shall be seeing 'him' today, oh well. Enuff said

I had a really weird dream last night about weddings and elephants... go figure. haha

Comments is working now, would love to hear what you guys wanna say... advice abt everything and anything appreciated.

Take Care and have a blessed mothers day!

Tweakings

2005-05-08T09:20:00.000+08:00

* My brother is whacking his head and mine with a baseball bat while pestering me to let him use the computer*

So I'll better be quick

Thanks to Jon.. who helped me alot in this new image of my blog... and Syen for inspiring me... Keep your eyes peeled... I plan to do some major renovation at this place... do bear with me if I ask you lotsa html and css questions... haha...

Tell me too if I am yet to link you... I do forget...

Updates to look out for
----> Shall blog about Youth Sunday
----> Mission trip, yes I know... I owe it to you all
----> Suit Lin shall also be alive again in the forumming world... haha it's been so long

Take Care people.. have a blessed weekend and May the peace and love of God that trancends all understanding be with you always!

The Healer's Touch

I wish...

His Lost One

For real?

Break

Nyaaaaaa

titleless chatter

dripping

A dedication

Memories

Bits and pieces

Woooohoooo~~

The one

The Silence

home

Pre NC

totally random

I wish

*the* 10

Fallen Tears

Fallen

nothing

Cry

Surely

Horror

Where would I be without Him?

My first pay cheque!!

Faith Works!!!

Exam=no life

confusion

M-I-A

Am not giving up!

phew

Dreams

S.U.I.T.L.I.N

Tujuh Perkara...

Purpose

em' bad habits

Pausing

Lonely

what drives you?

Single...

To you, the one who reads =)

Stand up, stand out!!

My colour?

the broken heart of glass

the day...

doodling vs studying?

-random quick jots-

Long awaited

Bah

Six twenty-six

Picking up and moving on

Unspoken Love

Wet...

Closeness

Sleepy

First post on lappie

UPdates

A step closer

Butterfly

Test

Cold

Friends

Sanity

Wasted

balik rumah!!

Thirst

I know

sniff

Library?

And so it begins

Self worth

One

IQ ~

bleh~

*big grin*

Father

-untitled-

You came

the 10

big grin